John Jarman Broken and Redeemed: Resilience in Life and Leadership Episode 042

Stephanie has a great conversation with John Jarman! A survivor of abuse and the author of Broken and Redeemed. "Broken and Redeemed is the story of [his] journey, beginning with [John's] troubled childhood and challenges as an adult, and resolving as he finds redemption in the grace of God."

Is a professional fitness coach and men’s discipleship leader with a passion for seeing lives changed by Jesus Christ. A former football coach and Marine Corps veteran of Desert Storm, John’s life was radically transformed from a self-destructive trajectory to one of life, wholeness, and a dynamic walk with Christ, a story that is told in the pages of Broken and Redeemed. John holds a master’s degree in Physical Education from Ohio University, and, as of this writing, is close to completing a Master’s degree in Theology from Faith Seminary in Tacoma, Washington, where he resides.

www.brokenandredeemed.com
https://www.facebook.com/BrokenRedeemed
https://twitter.com/broken_redeemed
https://www.instagram.com/john_brokenredeemed/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-jarman-13907a226/

Everyone has resilience, but what does that mean and how to we use it in life and leadership? Join Stephanie Olson, expert in resiliency and trauma, every week as she talks to other experts living lives of resilience. Stephanie also shares her own stories of addictions, disordered eating, domestic and sexual violence, abandonment, and trauma; and shares the everyday struggles and joys of everyday life. As a wife, mom, and CEO she gives commentaries, and, sometimes a few rants, to shed light on what makes a person resilient. So, if you have experienced adversity in life in any way, and you want to learn how to better lead your family, your workplace, and, well, your life, this podcast is for you!

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Everyone has resilience, but what does that mean, and how do we use it in life and leadership? Join Stephanie Olson, an expert in resiliency and trauma, every week as she talks to other experts living lives of resilience. Stephanie also shares her own stories of addictions, disordered eating, domestic and sexual violence, abandonment, and trauma, and shares the everyday struggles and joys of everyday life. As a wife, mom, and CEO she gives commentaries and, sometimes, a few rants to shed light on what makes a person resilient. So, if you have experienced adversity in life in any way and want to learn how to better lead your family, your workplace, and, well, your life, this podcast is for you!

https://stephanieolson.com
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Transcript

Stephanie Olson: 0:00

Thank you for listening. Please share with anyone you think will benefit from this podcast. Hello, and welcome to resilience in life and leadership. I'm Stephanie Olson and I am here with John Jarman very excited about this. He is a professional fitness coach and men's discipleship leader, with a passion for seeing lives changed by Jesus Christ have former phone full of former football coach and Marine Corps veteran of Desert Storm, John's life was radically transformed from a self destructive trajectory to one of life wholeness, and a dynamic walk with Christ. That's what he does a story that is told in the pages of broken and redeemed. And that is a book that we that was just just came out a couple of weeks ago, John holds a master's degree in physical education from Ohio University. And as of this writing is close to completing a master's degree in theology from faiths Seminary in Tacoma, Washington where he resides. Welcome, John. I'm so glad you're here.

John Jarman: 1:06

Thank you. I'm happy to be here. And we actually have a bright sunshiny day up here in the Northwest. So

Stephanie Olson: 1:12

fantastic. And a bit rare, right?

John Jarman: 1:16

It this time of year. Yes. Yes. Summer times are beautiful. But this time of year, it's it's pretty rare. So yeah, we're fortunate.

Stephanie Olson: 1:23

Well, we've switched it is not at all sunshiny. Here. So you you are getting it. Yes. All right. Well, so tell us I'm excited to hear about your book. But I really would love to hear first how you got here where you are today?

John Jarman: 1:38

Well, it's a it's, it's a it's a long story in a complex story. So you know how I got here is and I'll start with how I got to the book, I guess. And then we can dive into the story. In 2014, I was in counseling, I had moved back home, because my mom was real sick. And I ended up losing her in 20 in 2000 Oh, eight. But I just I saw some patterns start to develop again. And you know, the self destructiveness and I was just like, you know, I don't want to go through this again. And so I reached out for a counselor, I found Christina Holland, just by the grace of God. I called two counselors. They weren't taking patients. She was the third I called and she was taking patients and we worked together for 10 years. And in 2014, she in one of our sessions, she goes, John, you need to write a book. And I'm like, okay, no one's gonna read my story. You know, and you know, your story. It's my story. But there's other and as I tell people all the time, you know, there's people who've been down the same path. There's people that's probably been down way worse paths. And I've been, but it is my story. And it's unique. And I started talking to some friends. And they're like, Yeah, John, you need to write a book. And so my problem was, is, I failed English in high school. I have dyslexia. I'm a marine and a PE coach. I'm not a writer. And so I was like, how am I going to do this, you know, so I searched for ghost writer. And I found a young lady that was attending that worked at the church I attended, and she, she had written some books. And so I talked to her and she helped me kind of outline my book, and I started writing in it back in 2014. However, I didn't feel like I had it in me to finish the book. And so I set it up on a shelf until actually last February. And I was I was, in my scripture, reading one morning, and I read came across Hebrews 1036. And it's talks about the doing the will of God. And when you're doing the will of God, you have to persevere to get what he promised. And so and then about an hour later, I'm in the gym, doing my cardio, and I'm reading a book by AJ Swoboda, it's his very first book called Messy. And in it, he's talking about the will of God. And he said, No one told me, No one told me if anybody would read this book, or buy this book, I just had to write it. And so those two things within an hour, I went, Okay. I'm listening, and I need to finish the book, you know. And so I was just about to go on a trip to Panama City, Florida. And I told myself, I would write for two hours a day on vacation, because I was gonna be there for a week. I mean, very, very inspirational sunrise on the Gulf of Mexico. pretty inspirational.

Stephanie Olson: 4:10

Yeah, great writing. Background. Yeah. So

John Jarman: 4:13

So I started writing then I came back home and I continued, and I finished the book and four weeks. And so it was a truly God led inspiration and truly amazing. The next you know, I find and contacted my spiritual mentor asked him if he knew an editor, and he had a young lady he referred me to is our land and her team at inspira literacy here are in spirit, hang on. I just my brain just went dead literature. No, it's a literary solutions. There we go. Oh, yeah. So so we started talking and I found out our Lynn had served in prayer ministry with my with my mentor. And as soon as she said that, I was like, Alright, you're the person for the book. And so, you know, God's had his hands in this The whole way. And so we started editing actually, about this time last year. And so we're going through the editing process. And she told me, she, she then she tells me she's a scout for Morgan, James Publishing. And so she said, John, they're gonna pick this book up, and I'm like, Yeah, okay, you know, because you never know. Right? And, and so we submitted it in August in September, I got a letter saying that they accepted it. And wow, that never happens. By the way, I know it's and so I was, I was truly humbled, because they only right now they only do about 3035 faith based books a year. And that was September when I got the letter. And here we are in March and actually have the books in my hands. It's not out yet to the public, it goes to the public April 5 on ebooks. And then the official launch date is actually August 16 of this year, when it will be in bookstores. And so, you know, this last year has just been amazing. To see God's hand and all this and it's been a true blessing.

Stephanie Olson: 5:58

So that is only God can do that. That. Yes, ma'am. And you have a cup and everything. Oh, yeah.

John Jarman: 6:07

I got I got hats. I got t shirts. I've been a former football coach and athletic director. I've done all the marketing stuff before. Yeah, yeah. And then I used I used to own my own business. And that's part of the story. I used to own a training small training studio. And so, you know, knowing how to market that, you know, it just was real easy. It was just boom, and I got everything. So yeah, it's all, it's all on my website, you can go to my website and see it all.

Stephanie Olson: 6:31

I love it. Okay, that's fabulous. So now, John, tell us a little bit and we'll we'll agree to read the book. Okay. So I know that you're gonna give a little bit away. But tell us a little bit about your story and how, you know, how you were broken. And yeah, God did to redeem you.

John Jarman: 6:51

So the story starts, you know, it, I grew up in a very violent home, my dad was an alcoholic, and very abusive, and, you know, growing up, you know, I, I'll go with this is, you know, up until age 12, I don't really have much memory of my childhood from zero to age 12. And so the trauma, you know, what my counselor said is, it's probably better not to know than to find out because the, the recovery of that would even be more so. And you know, my whole life, I really didn't think that I was a victim, until I got into counseling with Christina and started looking at some things and asking questions, and excuse me, and hearing some other things, right. And so I really didn't think I was a victim. But at age 12, I woke up one night and heard my, you know, my mom being beat up by my dad again. And so I went down to the kitchen and pulled the knife out of the drawer and told him if he didn't stop, I would kill them. And then he left. And it was my mom and my three brothers left to basically survive for you know, we didn't have a real relationship with my dad. Wow. And that in all of that turmoil and the shame and the guilt from being, you know, abused, and all that, I carried it with me until probably age. Well, 50s, into the 50s. And then I started realizing I was a victim. And that's where Christine said, you needed to write a book. And so you know, but going backwards back into time, you know, I started high school, I got into playing football. But I was a, I was addicted to drugs, alcohol, all my brothers were because it was the 19, early 80s. That was kind of, you know, the drugs and alcohol thing. Yeah. But I got to, you know, I was in that I sold drugs. And, you know, one night, I was, I was sitting at a party, and I was like, there's gotta be more to life than this. And I walked out of the party. And two days later, I walked into a marine recruiters office and I said, you know, I need, can you get me out of here quick. And he asked if I committed a crime. He goes, Did you commit a crime? And I said, Yeah, but I've never been caught. And so he goes, Okay, so we chatted for a while. And then two months later, I was in I was in boot camp. And that's that, that saved my life.

Stephanie Olson: 8:57

Yeah, how old were you at that time?

John Jarman: 8:59

I was 23. So it was it was well after high school. So I didn't go in right after high school because I was I did after high school is I kept doing what I was doing. Yeah, party and drugs, you know, because that's all I knew, really. And that's where the brokenness is, and you know, that, you know, and part of that brokenness is learning and, you know, as you start to get closer to God, and then looking back in your life and seeing, you know, because of all this shame, guilt, and bitterness and everything, and how it affected your life, you don't treat people too well, sometimes. And you know, and so you have to go back and you know, and I, I've tried to go back and speak with the people that I, you know, might have heard along the way and ask for forgiveness, because that's part of your walk, some of forgiveness, some habit, you know, and it's up to them if they want to forgive plus, you have to ask for forgiveness. You know, my dad and I did mend our relationship. When I got out of boot camp and got out of schooling, I was stationed in Okinawa, Japan, and I started thinking about some of the things that were told to me as a young man about you know, Oh, well, you know what my dad did and did not do to support us as he was as we were growing up. And so I wanted to know the truth. And so when I got stationed back here in the United States, I had some leave time and I flew to Colorado where he was living and I knocked on his door, he opened the door, and I pop written a mouth. And it's, I don't recommend this to start your forgiveness.

Stephanie Olson: 10:23

Yeah. But I get it, though. Yeah.

John Jarman: 10:27

But my dad's my dad stood up, and he wiped the blood off his lip. And he said, I deserve that. Let's go have a beer and talk. And so we went downstairs, and I asked questions about because, you know, we were, we're told that no money was coming, and all this stuff, and I see all this stuff. And so then I got in a plane that flew home, and I put that out in front of my mom, I said, Why July? You know, and so I'm dealing with all this growing up. And so, you know, then I, and, you know, so that was, that's all part of, you know, the, the process and learning things. And, you know, and then understanding a little bit of it, but never, you know, during this time, God was never present in my life during all this. I went to church while I was in bootcamp on Sunday, just to escape the drill instructors for an hour. So that might have been where the seed was planted. That is great. I love it. Because they said, you can go to church, and you know, and I'm like, Okay, I'm going just to get away from you guys for an hour or so get a break. So you know, that and I look back on that time, and it's the Holy Spirit, you know, there. I mean, I mean, I don't know God, and I'm sitting in a party. Yeah. And I walk out of the party, and I don't do drugs ever again. And so unreal. Yeah, that's as I where I'm at. Now, in my faith, I can see where God was protecting me and watching out for me this whole time. And you know, I take full responsibility of everything I did, you know, and that's the thing, I don't condone it. Um, you know, there's some of it that I'm not too proud of. But it is what for me. And so let's see where I'm at. Oh, so I get either I've met my, my wife at the time I met her while I was in the Marine Corps. We went back to her hometown in Ohio. And, and that's where I started college. Because I wanted to get a degree I wanted to actually teach and coach to help kids not go down the path I did. And no, and I did, I helped a lot of people. But then I also made some mistakes. Because, you know, I said, I had a self destructive behavior, I would go into school, we would fix the school, as far as the football team would go, we turn the football team around, and then I would go, you know, not knowing what I was doing, I would self destruct and end up having to move and go to a different school. And so there was people that I heard along the way. Because were You

Stephanie Olson: 12:40

were you a believer at this time had, you know, I went okay. And that was, you know, I

John Jarman: 12:46

didn't even go to church at this time, you know, a couple of times, but not really. The only time the only, you know, boot camp, I went to church, or that the only thing I had was my, my dad's mom, my dad was adopted. So my, my grandma, my grandmother on my dad's side, she would always when we would see each other, she would always say Johnny, God's got something special planned for you. And that's and I would laugh at her really, because I didn't know who God was. And now she's laughing because I have this book, and she knew it all the time. So, you know, so and so, based on that, you know, we when my wife and I were together, we, you know, we went in and out of church, but we weren't committed or anything like that to faith. And when I moved out of my first coaching job from North Carolina to Georgia, I started going to the Fellowship of Christian Athletes huddle that we had on campus. So still, I started getting exposure to to the world and to God, but still never walking in, you know, truly abiding. And then I left Georgia. And so I my dad died in 2003. And so I came home for Christmas that year. And it was the first time in 18 years that I came home to the northwest. And I got on the plane and I felt like I had to stay because my mom was sick. And you know, I knew I would she probably wouldn't make it to move too much longer. And so I went back to Georgia, and I told my head coaches, look, I'm going home. And I found a job up here and I came home in 2000 2005 yet because I came home in 2005. And so I came home and ended up losing my mom and in 2008 When I got up here, one of the coaches that I hired, he was a pastor, and so I started attending his church. So then again, more exposure, right seeds being watered. I'm still trying to learn things and to you know, scope this out, but it's but as my coach Coach tuina he would, he'd said that basically what I was I was a submarine Christian. I would come up on Sunday and I would go under water for the rest of the week. Yes, yeah. And I love that term though, because it's so appropriate, you know, and and but looking back Um, that's what I was at that time. And then I left that job. And I got into personal training. I, you know, and that's where I started seeing the self destruction behavior again. And that's when I went to seek counseling. And at that time I was I was getting closer and closer to God. And I prayed to God that He gives me a Christian woman, you know, and I was just like, praying that that would happen. And he did. Sorry, bless you. And so so we, Leah and I started dating. And for her daughter's really didn't accept me. But we had a truly biblical related relationship. We're together for four years. And we, our relationship was totally biblical. And what I mean by that is, we never slept together. We never spent the night together, we just, you know, matter of fact, our first date, she looked at me and she said, You're not gonna sleep with me. So I just like, you know, right now, you know, right now, but you know, and I respect her for that, because she, you know, she was a very strong Christian Christian lady, and I learned a lot about faith and walk. And, but her daughter's really never accepted me. And so we ended up splitting up because of that, you know, we prayed about it, and we checked, you know, but it wasn't, I think God used that to move me closer. And Leah, and I still remain friends today. And it's, we have a strong relationship. So. But at that point, I was going through counseling, and I, we one day during counseling, we had a very, for lack of better terms, a very demonic session, because we were trying to do some recovery. And it's, the details of it are in the book, and I don't you know, some people believe it, some people don't, because it's always weird when you start talking about the spiritual warfare. Yeah, yeah. But it was definitely there. And so I sought out I went back to church, and I just told him telling one of my assistant pastors, what happened. And he goes, Oh, you need to talk to Scotty. And so Scotty Kessler, who ended up being my mentor and disciple, leader, worked in the deliverance ministry. And so when we got together, and from that point on, I was working with him and Christina, and it took probably about five years working with both of them to get free of everything. And as I started to go, and started to look at this book is is was I got a little deeper into the word I tell Scotty, I said, you know, I want to get behind the word a little bit, I want to dig deeper in the word so and I told him, I said, I want to go to I think I want to go to seminary school. And so he didn't even know we had one here in Tacoma. And he goes, Yep, we got one right here. And so I enrolled in FE seminary to start studying. And so I did that for a while. And I'll come back to that here in a second. I jumped ahead, sorry. But about 2016 When Leah and I were breaking up, I also my gym was not doing well. I had lost my two older brothers due to their complications, or anything. So and then my sister in law was in the hospital, and she wasn't doing too well. So I had this massive storm, you know, I just broke up. And I'm asking not God at this time, okay, I did everything right. Why are we why can't we stay together? And so I'm questioning God, my business is corrupt, you know, not doing well. And so I'm just like, What am I going to do? I don't know what to do. And so in November of 2016, I fell to the floor today at 330. In the morning, when I was up praying, and I said, I'm done. I'm giving it all to you. I can't do it anymore. Whatever you do, I will accept I'll follow you. And you know, I'm an hour probably praying, tears coming out of my eyes. And then I open up the Bible. And I it opens up to Romans seven where Paul's talking about he's, you know, he wants to do what what's right, but he can't because of the sin that's in him. And I read this whole passage notes, I think it's Roman 714 through 21. And I don't want to recite it all, because I can't, I can't do it from memory. But I read through that, and I'm like, Wow, that really makes a lot of sense to me. And that's what I was doing. And then I flip some more pages back to First John one, five, and it says, God is the light, there is no darkness and in Him, if you claim to have fellowship with him, but continue to walk in the dark, you don't have the truth in you and I went, I've got to change my life. And that at that moment, I went, I've got to change. And so that's where the true transformation took place was that morning. And from that time on, it's just, it's unbelievable. The veil was lifted, and I could start seeing God's work in my life and the relationship, you know, and understanding the word better, because I started seeing it better. And I started applying it to my to my life. And I tell people a lot of times, you know, I think some people read the Bible, but they don't digest it. And I started digesting it because it's he said, we can't live on bread alone. So we got to live on that word. And I started I started shuffling it down like I was yeah, like I was at an all you can eat buffet

Stephanie Olson: 19:51

that's calorie free.

John Jarman: 19:54

Yeah. Yeah. So So and, and so that's where you know That's where the story started came to. It's the broken and the redeemed. And it's been a it's been an unbelievable ride. And I, you know, it's all God's work. And that's, you know, it's his story. And that's the beauty of broken redeem because, you know, as I said earlier, it was four weeks and I finished the book. Yeah, not only amazing. I only had five chapters, and I finished in the book ended up being 15.

Stephanie Olson: 20:27

Books. Love your book. Can you show? Sure. So here it is here. Yeah. So beautiful.

John Jarman: 20:33

And in, you know, and so it's about 214 pages total. It's a super easy read. And it's funny, because I don't want to say it's funny, but it's, here's another god thing. I call these when quince I used to think coincidence. Now I call him God. Thanks. Absolutely. And so one of the god things is the cover of the book that you see behind me, the waterfall was actually in New Zealand, and the lady from Morgan James who designed the cover, she didn't know what I'm about to tell you. When she picked the picture. She just thought it was a really nice picture. And it depicted broken, redeemed. And the name of the waterfall is Devil's Punchbowl. Wow. And so I tell people, when I share the story is that's just another proof that God can take something bad and turn it into good. And you know, and it's just yeah, so, you know, it's just little things like this. And you know, it's amazing. And, you know, I kind of zipped through that. So, I mean, if you have any questions you want me to kind of detail on, I'd be happy to. But that's that's the story of that what's in the book, there's a lot more to it. The one thing I will tell your listeners is I put questions at the end of every chapter because this is the teacher in me guys. Because I wanted I saw their reflection discussion questions. So you could use this as a as a 15 week study with a grant. Or you can just you can read the whole book, go back and answer but I really would recommend that you do the questions because I've tried to design them to really make you look into your heart, and and to question your faith and your relationship with God. Because for me, the transformation was self awareness. I had to know who I was and who I was in my heart. And then just getting into the Word and understanding the word because I think self evaluation is a key to finding freedom. Because it even says in the Psalms, God Cleanse my heart of anything that's not a view, and play, replace it. And when you start to walk, and you start your sanctification process, your old habits start to get uncomfortable, because you know that they're not godly. And that's those old habits that you have to start looking at. And then you have to start looking at who you who you hurt, who you possibly had transgressions against. And you have to start examining those and asking for forgiveness. And that's the tough part of Christianity. My favorite author, I already said AJ Swoboda, he says that Christianity is messy after you meet Jesus than it was before you met Jesus. And it's because of the self examination. And that's a key. Because you have to you can you know, the world is full of evil, but we have evil in us. And you have to examine that evil within you, in order to truly remove the veil, and be able to communicate and have a relationship with God.

Stephanie Olson: 23:17

Yeah, you know, I love that God wastes nothing. I mean, it's so good. And it's that surrender. Our stories are eerily similar in certain areas. Mine doesn't have the Marines in it. And I actually married a drug dealer early on, so I wasn't one but, you know, pretty attractive. Apparently. So, yeah. But that was early on. But, um, you know, I think that is, it's amazing when you get to that place of true surrender, which is really, very backwards from what the world teaches us. And is saying, Gosh, you know, God, I cannot do it anymore. On my own. Either you take over, I'm done. And and I love I love that because it's so true. Yeah.

John Jarman: 24:17

Well, if you you've heard of Tony Evans, yes. Okay. So, Tony, I've okay. So I used to, I listened to his podcast still. And so one, right around that November 2016. I'm listening to his podcast and he goes, I'm going to tell you the only Bible the only verse in the Bible, that's not true. Okay, I want to hear that. It's in I believe it's in Second Corinthians. It's the it's the verse that said, God will only give you what you can handle. And if you can't handle it, he'll provide a way out now he'll provide a way out but he's going to give what Tony said is, he's going to give you more than you can handle because if you can handle it, you don't need to turn to him. So he's gonna give you more than you can handle so you fall on your knees and ask for help. And then he will provide a way out And I love that. And that's what happened to me. I had so much on my shoulders that I couldn't do it. And you know that in listening to what you just said, you know that, that it's harder for a man, I think, and this is where my part of my book talks about this is, because we have to lay down our pride, we have a sense of pride that most women don't. And because we're raised that way, we're supposed to be the top. We're supposed to be tough, and all this stuff, and we're supposed to be rugged, and we're not supposed to be weak, we're supposed to be strong. And it says, In the Bible, when we are weak, you're strong. It took me a long time to understand that. Because I was like, I don't want to be weak. I'm not weak. Right, you know. And so I think it's tougher for the men and the vulnerability of it. And one of the things I love about what Arlene and I did is we're editing the book is, you know, I, when I turned it into her, there was 14 chapters. And she said, John, there's there were missing something between what was chapter 13, and 14, she goes, we need a connection right there. We need another chapter. And I'm like, so what do you think, and she goes, I want to do an interview with you. And so she interviewed me about how I gave up the control. And what I would tell people to do to give up to help them give up control, excuse me. And so we did this hour long interview. And she took some raw notes. And then the next morning, I was doing my cardio, and I when I do cardio, I listen to worship music, and I read and I you know, so it's kind of like I call it cardio in Christ, because it's my time where I can be with God. And I get a little exercise. And so I was doing that. And I and God started speaking to me. And so I texted Arlene, and I said, hey, send me the wrong notes. I've got some ideas. So she sent me over the wrong notes. And I took the notes and I started writing up this thing, and then I sent it back to her. And she goes, John, this is beautiful. We'll we're going to make a little, some adjustments. And that ended up being the 14th chapter. And it's in the chapter title is complete surrender. And it truly, in my opinion, turned out to be the best chapter of the book. I love that. And so it's it's an amazing, you know, and that part of it is where I challenge people, as you know, is you got to look at yourself and see what you're doing. And there's so much in this world that that distracts us and keeps us from trying to have that, you know, time. You know, everybody's like, I don't have the time to do that. Well, you got to make the time.

Stephanie Olson: 27:19

Well, yeah. And you have to give up a little bit of Netflix, right for for the Word of God. It's an it's hard. Sometimes it's it's a hard balance to know, yeah, this is something I'm willing to give up, right so that I can get closer and have that intimacy with Christ.

John Jarman: 27:41

Well, it says in the word we're supposed to sacrifice, we have to sacrifice for a walk. And everybody sacrifices different. One of my sacrifices is time because I get up at 330 in the morning, every single day, for Saturday and Sunday, Saturday, Sunday, I still get up at 530. Because as I started studying and working with Scotty the when it's called the fourth watch, it's from 3am, to 6am. And that's the most spiritual and demonic time of the, of the clock. And if you look into the Bible, a lot of the significant events that happened in the Bible happened during the fourth watch the parting of the Red Sea, Jesus walking on the water, his capturing dissemination, there's and those are just to name three of them. But it's in so I used to get woken up during that time, and I was in I'd have these weird dreams and everything, but that was being attacked at that time. And so now I've turned it into prayer life. And so in order for me to stay grounded, that's what I have to do. And people are people like you do what? Like, yeah, I mean, I get up at 330 in the morning, I'm on my knees, I'm praying, and then I read. And they're like, how do you get through the day? And I'm like, it's easy, because I give him that time. He gives me strength to give out today. Exactly. Right. And so you know, that's it, you know, and I'm not suggesting that everybody needs to do that. That's what works for me. And that's the beauty of the book broken and redeemed is it's it's not a how to book. It's what I did. And some of the things I did. But with some of the things I did to get to this point, they might work for you. The biggest part of my book, what you know, other than the vulnerability part of it is discipleship part of it because we need you have as a Christian, two things I believe, is you have you're not attended to walk alone. So you have to have fellowship horizontally with fellow people and fellow Christians, then you have to have the vertical relationship. Well, the discipleship, you know, Scotty discipled, me. So I'm discipling other people because that's what I'm supposed to do. And I outline the whole discipleship problem process that Scott to use with me in the book, and it's a 10 step. We call it the big 10. And it's in the books God he gave me permission to put it in there. And it's basically a 10 step plan to discipleship and and to disciple another, you know, somebody who's just coming to Christ, and you don't have you could be a Christian for three weeks. And if you follow this plan, you could disciple somebody. Yeah. So that's the beauty of the plan. And so you know that That's why I spend a lot of time on work. You know, that's one of the things I think God wants me to do is work on, you know, getting people to disciple because you know, the greatest commission is go and make disciples of the world. Love your neighbor as yourself. Two of the biggest commandments. So I love

Stephanie Olson: 30:14

it, I want to go back to two things you talked about. So I want to talk about that. In my in my, in my day job, I run a nonprofit, okay. And we do prevention education on human trafficking, safety and healthy relationships. And one of the things that we we talk about all the time is that we often hear human trafficking looks very different than what we think it looks like. And we often hear about females who are trafficked. And we don't often hear about the males who are trafficked, but they are and they can be traffic almost equally, depending on the community you're in. And when when we're talking to kiddos and adults. That's one of the things I ask is tell me why we only hear about females being trafficked. And it's exactly what you said, males are not disclosing.

John Jarman: 31:18

Right. Because the shame, I think, the shame for a male and here's the thing, my brother was molested, my youngest brother was molested by a guy that my mom was dating and the the shame that he carries from that is caused a lot more issues. And I've my brother was a drug addict, forever. And when his wife passed away, I moved him in with me. And I was trying to disciple him and stuff. And you know, I told him, You know, I want him to experience the freedom that I have. But he's got to deal with that. And that's the hardest part, you know, because he was an Iraqi war veteran. So he has PTSD from the war. But I told him, I said, Jason, your PTSD has started when you were a kid, you had that before you went to Iraq, that just compounded things. And you know, I talked to his counselor once and he had been with this. And she was a PT, PTSD. PSTD. Expert. Yes. And she was an expert, and she didn't even know about Jason's childhood trauma. And because I haven't gotten to that point, wow, he hadn't disclosed it. Because here's the thing. He's so shameful of it. And I think that's where men, you know, the men carry that because it's not supposed to happen. No, I'm, I'm supposed to defend myself. And that's where society has that boundary. And that's what, you know, mental health counseling, because I got really involved in in Miami, I'm sure, you know, National Alliance of Mental Health. So I'm really involved with the Pierce County Chapter, because the mental health laws in the state of Washington are terrible, because I was trying to get my brother involuntarily detained, because he was just going crazy. And I couldn't, you know, and it's just insane trying to do that. So I've learned a lot about that in the it's just the male population, the vulnerability that they have to give up. It's super hard for them, because it's that ego and pride and until you've let that go, you truly can't be vulnerable with the people are trying to write and help you.

Stephanie Olson: 33:09

And we're, it's ingrained certainly in the United States, hey, men don't cry, suck it up, buttercup, right? To say that, and that's one of the things we say, in the classroom, if you are ever being hurt by someone, or if you're ever and it's okay to tell and tell someone and still tell someone until because the problem is that when boys do disclose to

John Jarman: 33:39

to people don't believe,

Stephanie Olson: 33:40

well don't believe that they don't. They don't believe girls a lot either. But it worked for boys. Yeah, right, that that is such an important piece.

John Jarman: 33:49

So I'm gonna give you another book to read. Because I just met this young lady. Her name is Christine soli. And her book is called Broken and beautiful. Okay, and she she was trafficking. And the book is about her redemption, and coming out of her brokenness, and she runs a similar program that you do up here in the state of Washington. One of my high school friends used to live next door to Christine and when when I've shared the title of my book, she goes, John, you guys need to meet. Yeah, so I actually went up to where her facility is, it's called Providence, Providence heights. And she toured me the through the facility, we talked about each other story. We got it. I got a great picture on Facebook. And it's she's holding my book, and I'm holding her book. And I told her, I said, when when my book finally gets to the bookstore, I said we need to do a book signing tour, and we'll call it broken and beautifully redeemed. captures both arts you know, and then in here's the thing, think about the power of this. Now you have a female and a male talking about all of this stuff together on time. And I think it would be a great thing and she loved the idea. So who knows, you know if God wants us to do it, let us do it. But it was just it was super good to meet her and for you and you're in your program. It would be a good book to take a look at at And she, you know, it's an awesome, you know, you guys do a great thing. And it's amazing, you know, and keep up the works. Because it's, it's it's so needed because the trafficking industry is just insane

Stephanie Olson: 35:12

is it is and I think that, you know, the other thing I really wanted to bring up, I think we talk about sacrifice and Christianity. And that is so important. And here, even in some of the hardships that we deal with the trauma that we deal with, we still as Christians don't even know what true sacrifice is. In regards to other areas of our world. We've got people who are told, okay, so you get to choose Jesus, this is your opportunity, your family is going to be killed. But this isn't our home. And here's what you get, and people are flocking to Christ in in areas like that. Yeah,

John Jarman: 35:59

we, we actually talked about that a couple of weeks ago in my men's Bible study, because we're, we're talking about Peter's denial of Jesus. Yeah. And yeah, and you know, and, you know, what would you do at that time? You know, and we'd all like to sit here and say that we would never do that. Exactly. But I mean, as we talk, well, but here's, you know, here's the thing, Peter saw what crucifixion is, right? You know, I mean, we only seen pictures of it. And, to me, the best depiction of that is Mel Gibson's film, the passion. You know, and, you know, I but I studied Chris, I studied crucifixion, I looked it up, I read about it, and I talked in and found out what it does to the body. And, you know, and so, would you have stood with him? Or would you deny them, you know, are you and so, you know, and then so we Yeah, I flipped the switch with my small group. I said, Okay, well, what if you were in a, in a country, and if you didn't profess if you had a choice, either profess your faith or deny it, because if you don't deny your faith, they're going to cut your head off? That's correct. Yeah, you're gonna, are you gonna stay with Jesus? Right, you know, and I and so that's, uh, you know, it's, it's, and there's people that do, and, you know, we hear about it all the time. And, you know, it's when it comes to that that's the true sacrifice. And you know, and, you know, it's, it's, no, You never,

Stephanie Olson: 37:24

yeah, well, and I think when and this is not our topic, but I think when you look at end times, when you look at what could ultimately happen, we are going to have an opportunity to and we do all the time and in different facets of life, but you're either for me or you're against me. And you might have a moment where you say, Okay, I have to make that decision. And that's where I think we remember, you know, I think about what you've gone through and I think about the thing that you've the things you've experienced, this is not our home.

John Jarman: 37:59

Yeah, it's not your home. And the thing I think you need to focus on is, is the sacrifice that Jesus made. Yes. Okay. That's, that's the thing I think that a lot of Christians don't think about enough is, you know, and we're approaching Easter. So it's a good time to start reflecting on that, but But what he did, and what he went through for us, right, and and if you're a true believer, there's no way you can deny him if you have a true relationship. And I think that's one of the problems with our Christianity today is too many people. Just say, Hey, I'm a Christian, I believe in God. And that's it. Yeah. They don't they don't get deeper into the word. They don't do that. And then they then if somebody asks him, you know, they go, Huh, not me, because they don't want their friends to go, oh, man, you're weird, because that, you know, and I asked, you know, when did Christianity become so uncool? You know, and it's even more. It's more so for our younger generation, because it's, it's looked down upon, and I think probably part of it is, is, you know, and I, and I don't want to offend anybody, but there are there are a lot of hypocrites who are Christian. And I've seen him. And I think that's part of the problem, because the number one people the number one reason that people leave the faith of Christianity is because they see too much judgment and hip hypocrisy, because people claim to be Christians, and they don't walk. And so that that puts a black eye on the on the on Christianity. Well, you look at some

Stephanie Olson: 39:25

Christian homes and the abuse that goes on, and the I mean, and I mean, all those things. We we there is a lot of hypocrisy. In the church. Pornography Addiction has increased tremendously. And there's, I mean, I could go on and on. Yeah, and I think that that is the bottom line. It's not about believing in him following and being surrendered to Him.

John Jarman: 39:54

It's abiding that I call it fighting. It's abiding. That's my favorite word. Yeah, yeah. What does it say in the Bible that you're supposed to do? And then you try, and I'm gonna say it this way you try to do that because you're not going to be perfect. Because we have sinful nature. Paul told us that and we're going to stumble. I mean, my I used to have a really wicked temper. It still comes out every now and then. Okay, but it's less and so what I tell people to is, as you grow in Christ, you still have the ability to sin and you might sin, but you sin less. And it's because you start to start to feel those things and you go, Okay, I'm not gonna let this thought become a transgression and let that transgression become a sin. And so you start to see that if you're truly walking and you've in your in the word and you're looking listening to the Word so yeah, it's when you know

Stephanie Olson: 40:43

few thin you repent. Yes, that's the key.

John Jarman: 40:48

So you know who AW Tozer is, if you have an aid, I have several books. Okay. Love Tozer. And he said, he said, when, if you sin he goes, then you just repent and don't do it again, or try not to do it again. But he also said in one of his books, and I don't remember which one, he said that our sinful nature is so bound up in us that it has to be ripped out of us like a tooth being ripped out of a jaw. Okay, and I'm like, perfect example of what it is. And it's because of that, and it's gonna take a while for him to do that I talked about this in my book, I take the cross, as an example. And I feel that God used crucifixion to show us that our old self is going to take some time to leave us because crucifixion is a slow, very painful death very slow. And so our old life is not going to die quickly, it's going to take a little bit of time, and there's going to be some pain. And that's what I talked about the self examination. And so your transformation from who you were to your new life, is a crucifixion. And, you know, in my mind, and and it's, it's painful. But it's also a blessing. There's two sides of broken, you know, there's the broken of the world. And, you know, it could be, you know, the abuse I went through is my brokenness, but there's also the beautiful side of broken, where I call it the glorious side of broken that God breaks you down, so that he can mold you back to what he wants you to be. So yeah,

Stephanie Olson: 42:14

it's it's definitely, I it's, it's ongoing. I mean, that's the thing I love. I always tell people, I had a real hard time with pride in certain areas of my life. And God took me through a year long study, just him and me on humility. And it was the most painful study I have ever done in my entire life. But what it was so amazing, and it's not that I don't have prideful thoughts anymore, I absolutely do. And now it's like, Okay, God, that's yours, your take that, right. And I would say yet you you really want, you really want to jump off that pedestal before God knocks your dial is not a good place to be.

John Jarman: 43:06

Nope. And you know that and that's you have to humble yourself every single day in front of the cross. And that's the thing that, you know, your prayer life has to resemble that. And, you know, one of the things I always talk about, and my prayer is, you know, God renew my mind for today, because Paul talks about the renewing of the mind. And he mentioned that numerous times in his, in his, you know, letters to to the various churches is you have to renew your mind. And because that's where the battle wages, and you have to do that on a daily basis, daily,

Stephanie Olson: 43:39

daily, and, and sometimes forgiveness is a daily. Oh, absolutely. You know, I mean, forgiveness is not a feeling it is absolutely a choice. And it is sometimes something that you have to Okay, wait, I forgive that person. Oh, yeah, I forgive that person. I give it to

John Jarman: 43:59

you. So let's talk about that for a second. Yeah. And you know, I love this because God's actually taken over this conversation and I love it. So let's talk a little bit about forgiving, especially in the line of work you're in because you you have people who have been victimized sexually or anything like that. And it's, it's tough for those people to forgive. And yet, as a Christian, we're have we have to forgive. And what I tell people is forgiveness doesn't erase what took place. It erases the pain in the shame and guilt of that, because it frees you as a person when you forgive, but it doesn't erase what what happened and and there's still consequences. Because if you if you have a sin word, there could be consequences like legal consequences. Yes, you're going to face those consequences. God's gonna get you through it to the best of the ability, but you still have to forgive. That's right. And you have to face those consequences and I think one of the one of the and I really I saw that one night when I was watching the movie The Shack. And if you've seen it, that the part where he takes the lead character and hit him, and he forces him to forgive the person who killed his daughter, you know, that's, that'd be tough, you know? And, and I was watching that. And I was like, wow, that's true forgiveness, you know, and I loved how they depicted that in the movie so

Stephanie Olson: 45:19

well, and I think that the thing to always remember about forgiveness is that it really isn't necessarily for the other person. It's for us, yes, yes, holding on to that anger. And bitterness and hate is actually more painful and

John Jarman: 45:38

takeover. Right, and it blocks you because it keeps the veil and keeps a veil over your eyes, and you can't truly see what God's wanting you to see. And that's, that's, that's the forgiveness that you have to have. You know, and if you hurt somebody, you can ask them forgiveness, they might not forgive you. But that's where your forgiveness with God, you know, you've asked God, he's already forgiven you, because victory is already there. But that, you know, it's up to that other person. And then if they say, No, I'm not going to forgive you, then you just keep praying about it. And yeah, hopefully someday they change their mind. You know, if they're, if they're a Christian, then they should forgive you. But if they're not, you know, it's going to be a little tougher. Right. But I think that's, that's one of the issues we face is because people don't understand the role of could they think forgiveness is you're washing away the event and you're not

Stephanie Olson: 46:22

well, there's, you know, forget, you know, forgive and forget, right, you look at the word forget, in the Greek, the word actually means to disregard. It's not about wiping it from our mind. We're just not going to regard that anymore. Right. So yeah, yeah, well, I could really relate to what you were. So my biological father was very abusive, very violent. My mom escaped from that relationship when I was only a year old, so very young. And I always want my father, biological father was out of my life didn't didn't contact me I was, and a huge part of my story, but I always wanted to go and find him. Not to not to have a relationship with, tell him Screw you. I did it on my own. Right, and maybe punch him in the eye

John Jarman: 47:16

when I did. And here's the thing, go. So the good side of that is after that my dad and I had a relationship up until he died. He was that we would talk every single Sunday, you know, and it was it was a it was a thing, and my dad would marry married. My stepmom and him were married actually longer than my mom. And you know, he, and I kind of joked that she tamed him because she was so tough. But she had a daughter who was a heroin addict. And she died on the delivery table. She was giving birth, and she died. So now my stepmom and my dad have this baby boy who has some birth defects, addiction. And my dad and my dad, and my, I mean, they chose to raise that kid, and to watch my dad interact with that child and to see what he did. I could have been so jealous of that, because he gave that kid more than he gave us. Right. But what I did is I went, that's him trying to make amends. That's the way I looked at that as as like he's trying to make up for what he did. And he didn't want to make the same mistake. And I truly believe that in my heart, and I, you know, it's it was amazing to watch watching Matt, you know, we're with Josh and stuff. And my my stepmom. You know, my dad had a heart attack and passed away. And it was it was funny, because my, you know, my, my step mom used to call me and she's like, John, I need to talk to you about your dad because they get into an argument or something. And I have to call my dad when we talk about it. And you know, and she called me once, one Saturday, and she goes, John, I need to talk to you about your dad. And I'm like, what's going on? He goes, she's gone. And I'm like, why he left you? And she goes, No, he's gone. And I'm like, Millie, what do you mean, he's, I said, he moved out. She goes, No, he died. I mean, she actually had to say that because I wasn't believing. And so I went back for the service. And I looked at her cyst, I looked at my stepsister, because Millie was battling pancreatic cancer. They she had stage four pancreatic cancer. And, and I said, you know, she, she's, she lived for two years. That's how tough this lady was. But I looked at her daughter, and I said, I'll be back in three weeks. And it was almost three weeks to the day when her stepdaughter when my stepsister called me and said, Hey, John, you got to come back. And so I went back for her service, too. And so it's, you know, it's, it's an amazing thing. But, you know, I truly believe my dad made amends there. Yes,

Stephanie Olson: 49:32

absolutely. And God redeemed that relation. Absolutely. That is amazing.

John Jarman: 49:37

Yeah. And again, I wouldn't recommend that's the way you start your redemption by punching your dad in the face, but

Stephanie Olson: 49:42

no, not necessarily. And here's the here's the thing that because my biological father, I never found him and then I did find out I found his death certificate. Oh, okay, here's the go. And he actually I'm a recovering alcoholic and he actually died of alcohol complication, you know, alcoholic being an alcoholic. And so a lot of it, you know, just really clicked, you know a lot of the things, but that redemption, really that that God did with me had to happen just gotten me. You know, I had to forgive my biological father. He didn't ask for forgiveness. I didn't talk to him, I just did it, because that's what God called me to do. And then the freedom that comes out of that, oh, yeah, it was the anger I had for so many years is debilitating. Absolutely. And

John Jarman: 50:39

it tell you, it actually makes you more fatigued you it's exhausting, because you spend so much energy on it. And you know, and that's, and that's something that it's hard to understand when you're going through it. Because it's so overwhelming. And you know, the end, you just have to rest in the peace and the glory of God, because it's just, you know, that's the only way you're gonna get through it. And yeah, it's just yeah.

Stephanie Olson: 51:06

So I think to knowing because in the work that I'm a survivor of sexual and domestic violence, I've, I've had the all the things. And in the work that I do, I see a lot of women who are so angry, because of and rightly so. Right. Because Absolutely, because of the violence that has been perpetrated on them and things like that. But that's not where God wants us to lay. And

John Jarman: 51:38

I get it because my mom was that way. She was super bitter to her whole life. And she ended up passing away without giving all that up. And so she she died a lonely, bitter woman. And it's sad, it was sad to watch this because as, as she started deteriorating and health, I was actually getting deeper in the word and I kept telling my mom, Mom, you got to forgive, you got to forgive. And you know, you got to let it go. It's not, you know, it wasn't your fault. You know, because and I think that's the toughest thing. And, and you can relate to it because you were a victim of that is it's the victim always places the blame on themselves. And that's so and see, that's the part of the psychology that's just blows me away, because it's how do you take somebody's violated you when you were young or whatever, or beat you up that you know, to just control you. And yet you feel that you caused it. That's the weirdest part of our mind. And if you could solve that, you know, and and you know, to the people that are listening, if you if you are a victim of that it's not your fault. Get help. Yeah, and you probably blamed yourself for a while before you got healed too. So you know,

Stephanie Olson: 52:43

I did and for a very long time. And what's so interesting too, is I was I was raped several times in college, in high school, college and as an adult. Now, here's what's so interesting. And I think that you really hit on this. I did not I was involved in this work. So it was like, maybe three years ago or so doing this work every day. And I realized, oh, my gosh, I was in a presentation. I was speaking somewhere. And I was speaking with a trauma therapist, and we were together. And I never knew knew I was raped. Because I always blamed myself, I never looked at. I was like, well, it was my fault. That was drug or it was my fault for whatever reason. Right? Right. And it wasn't until several years ago that I recognized that what happened to me. And so that is one of the things that sometimes same thing with individuals who are trafficked, so many don't self identify as victims. And that is where that mind really does play that trick. Like I did this. This was my fault. Yeah. And God comes in and swoops in and says, Nope, it's not your fault. Right. And I love you. And I am here to bring you healing. Absolutely. Absolutely. Oh, good. I so appreciate this conversation. Oh,

John Jarman: 54:16

yeah. Yeah, no, it just looked down at the clock and I'm like, it's been an hour Wow. Yeah.

Stephanie Olson: 54:24

This is released, your book will be out. So I will make sure to make have all of that in the notes. So tell me John, how do people find you?

John Jarman: 54:35

The easiest way is my website and it's broken every game.com I have all my information on there and links to social media and everything like that. So that's the easiest way is go to the website. And you know, there's a lot more information about the book and there's some reviews on it so people can, you know, read what other people think. And it's, it's, so that would be where I'd direct them and you know, again, April, April 5 is the e book launch and then April 6, or August 16, it'll be in every bookstore you can imagine, I did a podcast with a gentleman in Australia, and it's already, you can pre order the book in Australia and the UK. And so and, you know, so and that's a credit to Morgan James, you know, they, they do a worldwide distribution. And that's the truly humbling part of this, Stephanie is because, you know, I'm going to this book is going to touch people's lives that I won't even know about. And you know, it's because it's, it's around the world. And it's, it's humbling. And so I challenge your listeners, if they do read the book, and it touches them and they have a transformation, please submit it to my website, so I can put up a testimonial about it, because that's what I want to be able to do is show the impact of the book and everything like that. So

Stephanie Olson: 55:45

I love that I love that God wastes nothing. I love it. So final question, what resilience mean to you?

John Jarman: 55:55

For me, resilience is just, it's, I almost want to change the word to perseverance. Because it's, it's, it's staying with the process and the method until and and I don't want to say until you get the results but but work, it's just keeping with it. So the resiliency of your sanctification, there you go. And because it's, it's it's a continuing thing and will never be done until we go home and be with the Father. And to be resilient is to do what it takes to stay. On Course. That's how I would define that.

Stephanie Olson: 56:30

I love that. I love that. Well, John, I really enjoyed this. I would love to keep in touch. You're doing amazing work and, and hopefully it'll stay sunny for you a little bit.

John Jarman: 56:44

Yeah, it'll probably be it'll probably be pouring down rain tomorrow. But that's okay. I joke. Stephanie. I joke with people all the time. I tell me, you know, it only rains twice a year here in the Northwest. It's It's January to June and June to December so but no, it's it's a beautiful, here's the thing, summertime, it's one of the most beautiful places in the world. So that's, that's one of the reasons why I stay up here. But, but listen to you keep doing what you're doing the amazing work you're doing. And stay with it. I you know, I truly, you know, this is definitely a God thing for us to me and to speak. And, you know, I'd love to stay in touch and you know, later down the road if you want to, you know, have me back on. I'd be glad to I would love to Oh, so actually my pastor and I are talking about starting a podcast. So if we do we'll ask you to come on. So that

Stephanie Olson: 57:29

would be a divine appointment right here. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, and we will talk to you again and thank you for listening to resilience in life and leadership. We'll see you next time. Thank you for listening. Please share with anyone you think will benefit from this podcast.