Christine Handy, A Courageous Woman: Resilience in Life and Leadership Episode 033

Stephanie has an amazing interview with the inspirational Christine Handy. 

Meet Christine Handy, International Model, Best-selling author, Breast Cancer Survivor, Motivational Speaker, Humanitarian, Harvard student, Designer of an emerging swimsuit line for women affected by breast cancer.

National and International modeling career that started at age of 11.

TV, radio and podcast guest speaker on breast cancer and women’s health topics which include self esteem and self-love.

Best-selling author of the book Walk Beside Me in its second publishing. 

Christine is on the board of Ebeauty - a National charitable wig exchange program for women who cannot afford wigs during treatment.

Christine is the President of the board of People of Purpose- a Non-profit organization in Palm Beach County that is changing the rate of recidivism.

Christine’s story is in production to become a film called Willow the feature film written and directed by Ziad Hamzeh.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christine_Handy

https://www.christinehandy.com

https://www.instagram.com/christinehandy1/

https://www.pinterest.com/1christinehandy/_created/

https://www.facebook.com/walkbesidemebychristinehandy/

https://www.buzzfeed.com/christinehandy

Everyone has resilience, but what does that mean and how to we use it in life and leadership? Join Stephanie Olson, expert in resiliency and trauma, every week as she talks to other experts living lives of resilience. Stephanie also shares her own stories of addictions, disordered eating, domestic and sexual violence, abandonment, and trauma; and shares the everyday struggles and joys of everyday life. As a wife, mom, and CEO she gives commentaries, and, sometimes a few rants, to shed light on what makes a person resilient. So, if you have experienced adversity in life in any way, and you want to learn how to better lead your family, your workplace, and, well, your life, this podcast is for you!

https://stephanieolson.com

INSPIRE your team to LEAD WITH SUCCESS and MOTIVATE others with Stephanie bringing 20+ years of speaking experience. If you need to EMPOWER, ENGAGE, and EDUCATE your people-Book Stephanie as your speaker today!

https://www.stephanieolson.com/ask-stephanie-to-speak

Everyone has resilience, but what does that mean, and how do we use it in life and leadership? Join Stephanie Olson, an expert in resiliency and trauma, every week as she talks to other experts living lives of resilience. Stephanie also shares her own stories of addictions, disordered eating, domestic and sexual violence, abandonment, and trauma, and shares the everyday struggles and joys of everyday life. As a wife, mom, and CEO she gives commentaries and, sometimes, a few rants to shed light on what makes a person resilient. So, if you have experienced adversity in life in any way and want to learn how to better lead your family, your workplace, and, well, your life, this podcast is for you!

https://stephanieolson.com
https://outlawstreamers.com/

Transcript

Stephanie Olson: 0:03

Welcome to resilience in life and leadership with your host Stephanie Olson, speaker, author addictions sexual violence and resilience expert. Well, I had a great conversation with Christine handy, so I am excited to introduce you to her. Christine handy is an international model best selling author, author, breast cancer survivor, motivational speaker, humanitarian Harvard student and designer of an emerging swimsuit line for women affected by breast cancer, national and international modeling career that started at age 11. TV, radio and podcast guest speaker on breast cancer and women's health topics which include self esteem and self love. She is the best selling author of the book walk beside me. And it's second publishing, and doing incredible, incredible things. And Christine handy has an amazing story with an amazing message of resilience. Meet Christine handy. Hello, and welcome to resilience in life and leadership. I'm very excited to be here with Christine handy. Christine, welcome.

Christine Handy: 1:17

I so good to be here.

Stephanie Olson: 1:19

Yes. So you've got quite a story. And I just talk about resilience. I love. I love your story. So please just start from where you would like to.

Christine Handy: 1:34

Okay, well, my name is Christine handy. And I am an author. I'm a motivational speaker. I am a student at Harvard getting my master's

Stephanie Olson: 1:42

amazing. Fabulous. I'm a

Christine Handy: 1:45

mother of two boys. And I'm a model which in two weeks I'm modeling in New York Fashion Week as a Oh, yeah, yeah, her four or five different brands.

Stephanie Olson: 1:56

Wow. So you don't have a lot going on? No, not at all. I'm super bored. A lot of free time. A lot of free time. Okay.

Christine Handy: 2:06

I know there's more I have I'm on the board of two nonprofits too. So and president, the president of one of those boards, so but you know, here here, the truth is I don't have much of a social life because I'm on this great mission to help and inspire and lead women through pain, trauma, and difficulties I am. So one of the worst pains that I've ever been through is the loneliness of going through trauma. And it wasn't that I didn't have people around me. I just didn't have anybody that understood me.

Stephanie Olson: 2:37

Apps. Absolutely. And, and I think that is so typical with any type of trauma. Yeah. Because you you unless you have a specific support system for that particular trauma. It's very lonely. Yeah.

Christine Handy: 2:55

Right. So I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2012. I was 41 years old, had no family history came out of nowhere an aggressive form. But prior was quite a quite an awakening. Yeah, I'm really I I, honestly, like they tell people to get a mammogram at 50. Yeah. Do you have all these people that are being diagnosed at early and they're not? And they're not getting mammograms? Because the FDA or the CDC, whomever is saying, Oh, you don't need it till you're 50? That's a bunch of bullshit.

Stephanie Olson: 3:28

Yeah, yeah. Well, I always I was always told start at 40 in with our hospital, and I think that is so important, because 50 is actually very late for breast cancer. And what we see

Christine Handy: 3:43

it is and it's getting actually breast cancer rates are on the rise. Breast cancer deaths are decreasing, right, but more and more people are being diagnosed with breast cancer. Of course, we don't know why. Anyway, going back to being diagnosed with breast cancer, prior to that, I had two other major health issues. Now, I came from a very privileged world, I had access to doctors, I had access to different types of treatment and everything that I went through, but that doesn't matter. I mean,

Stephanie Olson: 4:16

it does. It does. It does in the sense that some people don't have access to good health care. Right, right.

Christine Handy: 4:23

But if you have access to great health care, that doesn't mean that you're going to survive, it doesn't have to get through it with any sort of grace. Correct. And it doesn't mean that you have great doctors. Yeah. And so and the reason I bring that up is because the year prior to my breast cancer diagnosis, I had this horrible situation with a doctor. I had a torn ligament, my right wrist, and I picked this doctor, he went to Stanford, I liked the pedigree. He worked in this clinic that was close to my house but also really worried about state renowned. And and so he was also the surgeon For the orthopedic surgeon for the Dallas Mavericks at the time, and so this guy's got pedigree, well, well respected. Yes. And I think I can trust him. Right, right. And I and I was taught as a woman to believe authority to respect authority to take authorities word almost above my own. And so, I have the surgery, they take off the cast. There's something wrong. The doctor goes on to bully me for months tells me I'm a hysterical housewife, which by the way thing, which by the way, I never shed a tear in his office, but I shed a lot of tears, but not in his office. Yeah. Call me has labeled me as a hysterical housewife. He told me the pain and the swelling was in my head. And so there wow. Talk about gaslighting. Wow. Well, months and months and months and physical pain, tremendous physical pain later, I went to see a second opinion, even though I was afraid to this doctor said, you don't need a second opinion. There's really nothing wrong. Other than

Stephanie Olson: 6:09

what any doctor that says you don't need a second opinion. You need a second opinion at that point. Yeah. Well, you

Christine Handy: 6:16

know what, if you're in a situation where you know, bullied, or you're being gaslit, you you have to have people on the visceral side, right? Correct. Who are saying to you know what he's saying isn't accurate. What are you saying isn't true, but I wasn't telling people that because I was sure we feel shame when we're bullied, right? And then we isolate. Right, right. So months and months go by and this guy's bullying me so badly. And I finally get up enough courage and see it back a second doctor and my he took 1x Ray and my wrist, every bone in my wrist was broken.

Stephanie Olson: 6:53

Oh my gosh, every bone.

Christine Handy: 6:57

Every bit of cartilage was gone. So I had an infection in my arm. Unbelievable. For seven months, undiagnosed. I almost lost my arm believable. So now I'm handicapped I have a fuse right arm. And when I was up in New York, because I finally flipped to New York to HSS Hospital for Special Surgery to a doctor who I thought could help me versus a doctor that destroyed my arm. I was he fused my arm, there's cadaver bones, there's cadaver Achilles tendon in my arm now. Wow. And I was in a cast for my fingertips to my shoulder, when I felt a lump in my breast. And five days later, I was diagnosed with cancer.

Stephanie Olson: 7:40

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. That has got to be so traumatic and so overwhelming, because you're already at the point where you've got some trust issues with the medical community. And, and not. And I think, you know, I always say to people, we have to be our own advocates for our health care. But that's not easy to do. And it's it's intimidating. It's extremely intimidating. And so when you've come out of a situation like this, and now you're diagnosed with breast cancer, I can't imagine what you must have been going through.

Christine Handy: 8:24

Well, there's so much to unpack in that statement. Yeah. That we have to be our own advocates. 100% agree with you. But it's really hard. It's very hard. Yes. Yes. One you have to go through a lot of ego, right? A lot of pride of sin, mostly men who want to push back. And so you have to be brave enough, and you have enough self esteem to get through that. First of all correct. Which, by the way, I didn't have Yeah, yeah. Okay. So then once you get through that, that's not the only barrier, then you got to fight with insurance companies, then you got to fight with, you know, let's say the FDA because I had implant issues, you got to fight with the FDA on the implants. So there's a lot of obstacles. So oftentimes, we just go, Okay, it's too overwhelming. I'm just gonna go back to listening to what I was told, which was right 40 And listen to the doctor. And ultimately, that's what I did in it. I live in chronic pain because of that. Wow. If we don't talk about these stories, if we don't talk about how, what this looks like bullying as lighting, what that looks like, within the medical field, right? Because somebody's going to listen to this and go, Oh, my gosh, like my leg, my arm, my limb. I'm gonna go get a second opinion. Yes. And so we have to talk about these stories and not hoard these stories in order to help other people Yes,

Stephanie Olson: 9:58

and to let people know No, they are not alone in those situations. And frankly, they're not crazy. They're not imagining those things. Yes, yes. You know. And just very briefly, I had a situation where I was in it was a life threatening situation for actually my unborn child. And I said, this is going on, and it was a nurse actually, who said, Nope, we're gonna wait, we're gonna wait, well, if I had waited, I would have lost my baby. It was. It was a very time sensitive issue. But I had an advocate with in that community. And that makes a huge difference. So I was able to fight it. But I had somebody with me who was fighting it on the medical side. And I think that that makes such a huge difference. Yeah.

Christine Handy: 10:54

Well, a couple years ago in and this pertains to what you just said, having somebody with you, which right now people can't because of a lock downs and COVID, right, two years, two years ago, I had implants and after I had mastectomies, I didn't have implants prior to breast cancer, but I didn't actually love the implants. Yeah. Because if your chest is taken away, yeah. For me, I wanted it back. Like even worse. I want it back. Yeah. And so since 2013, and my mastectomy, I had implants till 2020. And so in 2020, when the world is locked down in March 2020, in fact, it was March 25. I had this like rash, this red, very hot burning sensation in my left breast cavity. And I texted pictures to my oncologist, I texted pictures to my plastic surgeon, and they said, get to the emergency room immediately. And they diagnose it with as a staph infection. So little alone, listening to these doctors say, this is what you have. This is what we need to do to get rid of it. And in the meantime, I have kids, I have work. I have school, I write. I mean, I'm like, and now I'm isolated in the hospital for five days. And then they sent me home with a PICC line and a nurse. Wow. So that was March of 2020. And then April 2020. A month later, the exact same thing happened. So I have the red breast that looks like a red delicious apple, that very bright red. Wow. Go to the hospital. And by the way, when you're when you go to the hospital during COVID, you're not well received. No, there's no nobody there with compassion with open arms going. How can we help you? Right, right. We know you're in pain, we know you're suffering. There's none of that, right? There's like, put your effing mask on works you out, right? So I get to the hospital, my doctors inside they admit me again for five days still alone. And going, Why is this not going away? I'm doing everything they told me. They told me to do that I had IV medication. And now IV medication has other effects on you. It affects your liver, it affects your stomach. There's other things it affects. So now I have, you know, two weeks of a PICC line. Five days in the hospital now five more days in the hospital. Now I have to take medicine after I get out of the hospital. And now it's like a month of medication and I'm going 30 had chemotherapy. This can't be good on my liver. And I'm thinking about all this multiplier effects. Right, sir. Fast forward a month after that. I am traveling back to Miami, you know, messed up. I have two flights and I get home I get in my car at the airport, the Miami Airport. And I feel this like pain. And I think to myself, it's nothing. It's got to be you know, there's nothing they fix me whatever. Long story short, I get home, I pull off my shirt and my shirt is sticking to my chest. Oh my goodness on one side. And I think to myself, gosh, I must have been really stressed. I was sweating on one side. That's really weird. So I opened my shirt. And there is green puffs, oozing oh my gosh, it was out of my jury, like, massively like dripping out? Oh, my goodness. And I don't feel good. And so I text my oncologist a picture and she facetimes me. Because she says to me, I want to see what you look like. Well, of course, I'm white as a ghost. Yeah. But don't realize how sick I am. Wow. And and she said, you know, she needed to see me and she says to me, you have to go to the emergency room right now. And I said I'm not going. I said, You guys have treated me for two months. And you said I was fine. I said you want me to go back alone to the hospital, where there's people that are not going to be nice to me because everybody's afraid that I'm gonna walk in with COVID which I don't have. And I'm going to be there's going to be despair and confusion and loneliness and worry for Forget it. And she goes, if you don't go, you're going to be in critical condition by tomorrow morning. It's not a staph infection anymore. It's probably Mersa and you will die. Wow. And literally I sat on my couch for an hour crying going, Okay, I'm fused arm a doctor bully me I had breast cancer I 28 rounds of chemotherapy. I've had 20 some odd surgeries non elective like No, no, like fun classic surgery running. No, like, I lift. No, I didn't plan. Give me something good. And, and now I'm, I have to go drive myself to the hospital like Oh, no. So my dad calls me and he's like, because my oncologist call my parents. Oh, wow. Oh, no, it was really serious. Yeah, yeah. So my dad calls me and he's like, it's 630. At night, I cannot get to you can't get a flight there. You have to go. Ultimately, I went. And within five hours, I was in emergency surgery. And both of my chest was excavated for the third and fourth time. Oh my goodness. Which which means no painful. No, the pain was grotesque. Absolutely. protest. And I was alone. Right, right. And months and months and months go by and I am in total despair. Like, that was pretty little implants are now gone. Okay, what do you have for me? God? Hmm. And I finally picked myself up and said, You know what, if I feel this bad, somebody else does, too. So I'm going to get up, I'm going to call my model agency. I'm going to start modeling now with this concave chest. And that's what I've done for the last two years. That's why I'm walking in New York Fashion Week, because I want to show other women who are lost their chests, that we are just as beautiful. We may look different, but that doesn't destroy that doesn't dismiss our beauty that doesn't negate our beauty. We are strong, we are powerful. We are united and we are collectively stronger together. And so that's exactly what I'm doing two weeks from tomorrow.

Stephanie Olson: 17:10

Wow, I absolutely love that. Good for you. And the courage that that takes, you know, I I really want to address the societal beauty issue, because I think when you grow up as a beautiful woman, there are expectations that you you put on yourself. And I don't mean you I mean, you know, definitely yes. And and so, first of all, aging is hard. And there's that that idea of okay, well, I'm losing my looks quote unquote, which is not an accurate statement. But then when you start to mess with your physical looks, especially your breasts, because that is just a part of womanhood, that is I mean, just just a big that that is so traumatic in and of itself. And I can imagine that's not something that people even want to address.

Christine Handy: 18:23

You know, I never thought about it until I lost them. Yeah. And I'll tell you one little short story when I first lost my chest, not back in 2013, because I literally woke up from my mastectomy with expanders in. So I never looked in the mirror without a chest. And sure, right. Regardless if it was metal underneath, it didn't matter. I never looked in the mirror without a chest. And so in 2020, and I have a social media presence. So I post a picture on social media and I'm completely concave. And I'm like, Okay, this is what happened. And this is I'm struggling. Whomever didn't read the caption of they just saw the picture. And this gentleman said in the comments. Were you born a man or were you born a woman?

Stephanie Olson: 19:09

Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Christine Handy: 19:12

And it took me like, three days. Wow. It took me three days to respond to him. And I was saying to myself, all these things like, maybe my friends and family aren't telling me how bad this really looks. Because I'm not covering it up. I don't wear prosthetics. I wear tight clothes, because that's the way I am. Yeah, and that's good. That's, yeah, I mean, that's how God made me I'm like, I'm not gonna put I'm not gonna put a padded bra or whatever. I mean, right, everybody to each own. Right? Right. If you need that, if you want that then you have then you should have that. I love I don't want it. And so it took me about three days and I mean, I have a strong self esteem. I'm unstoppable. Now I wasn't prior to breast cancer, but I am now and so that I that guy tripped me up. Yeah. And I said to myself, You can't let some random person affect you. Right? Like you, this isn't who you are anymore. Your self esteem is rooted in faith. Your self esteem is rooted in your trust in yourself. You're not going to let somebody stomp all over you or make you feel insecure about this. I responded with grace, right? Because we can all respond out of malice. But we can all we can all respond at a price. Yes. But I wanted to respond out of compassion. I'm trying to do in general. And so I responded to the guy and I said, Why did you ask me that question? And he never was, in fact, he responded back and he just said, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. And that was, Wow, interesting. It was over. And I think it's so indicative, especially with the world we live in right now. Yeah. If we respond out of malice, if we respond out of pride and ego, we're going to get that back.

Stephanie Olson: 20:59

Yes, you're Amen to that. That. That is, you know, so I work in the field of domestic and sexual violence and things like that. And there's a lot of anger that comes with sexual violence, of course, and people who are abused should be angry. Yeah. However, one of the things that I've noticed is that when educating someone and and in my, in my real world, I run a nonprofit, and we do prevention education on human trafficking, social media, and healthy relationships. And when educating people, you have to come at it, with compassion, with engagement, and with total transparency, and our focus is youth. And what I've, what I've seen is that so many people will ask a question, and whether the question is as an honest question, or whether the question is presented in a way that is inappropriate, or trying to bring a rise out of somebody, the response, in order to truly educate people has to be like yours. It has to come from a place, you may be angry, but it has to come from a place of I am not going to present myself as angry so that other people can truly learn and, and that is a hard thing to do. Yeah, takes

Christine Handy: 22:44

a year it takes it took me a long time to practice now. I've actually been I've been abused in other ways as well. Not sexual. Sorry. But so I do know, I know that pain. I don't know sexual abuse, and that's a whole nother I can't speak to it. I don't know it. And I don't want to ever put some make it somebody seem like I'm an understand expenditure. Sure. But that when you are abused, they steal your power. Yes. And that's the only person that can take it back as yourself. Nobody can give it to you. But here's what I think. And this is years of trauma, obviously, the physical trauma and also if you don't have people that you can turn to your courage can lessen. Yeah. And there are there were points in my life in through this traumas where my courage completely felt, yeah, like I had no courage left. And that happens. But if you have people around you, and I call it a courage net, you are loved that. If you are you are able to say I've lost my courage. I've lost my bravery. I need you to stand in this space for me until I get back. And if they do, you will get your courage back. And that can mean calling the suicide hotline that can be humbling. It doesn't mean that you need like five friends around you. Right? But it means you have the ability, you have the knowledge to make a phone call on your behalf and just say, I'm at my wit's end. I can't do it anymore. I need somebody to carry me.

Stephanie Olson: 24:29

I absolutely love that courage net. That is fantastic. That, you know, and I think that's a great point. And I think sometimes when we think about support, that is what we're thinking about. We're thinking okay, well, I need five friends around me but there are resources that we can access that are that are free that are available, but it still takes courage to pick up the phone and access those resources. Yeah, well,

Christine Handy: 24:58

we will prideful people. Oh, yeah. You know, we don't want to wait. Let's talk about social media for a minute. Oh, let's, I mean, you should, you should check out my social media today.

Stephanie Olson: 25:10

I'm excited. Yeah,

Christine Handy: 25:11

I got on there. I was like, I'm so tired of the highlight reels. I'm so tired of the fake perfection. I'm like, let's be real. Yeah. So like yesterday, for instance, there was an article in Fashion Week is a is a magazine. And it includes Paris Fashion Week, Milan Fashion Week, New York Fashion Week. And I was there was an article about me in Fashion Week yesterday. And it said the one to watch for New York Fashion Week, and it was my, my story. And it was awesome. I woke up to it. My manager sent it to me. And I was like, Oh, this is really cool. And it's not I'm not saying in a private way, like, oh, it's about me. I'm so excited to showcase this for breast cancer patients walk their chests. So the bigger audience and more people I can inspire. Within two hours, I got news that something had happened to my son who's 21 Oh, wow, nothing mattered. Yeah, not the article, not what I was doing for Fashion Week not being interviewed, not my social media. And so I got on my social media today. And I said, I had this amazing high in one day, and I had this amazing low.

Stephanie Olson: 26:19

Sorry.

Christine Handy: 26:21

But that's that's life. It is so but let's not, let's not make each other feel bad by only showing the article. Let me show you. I'm not gonna typically tell my followers what happened to my son. But I said to them, I said, I had a great high and I had a great low. And I feel terrible right now. Yeah. And I want you guys to follow people that are telling you the truth, right? Because if you show up on social media, and you feel bad about yourself, and you're looking at all these people that have the highlight reel, and aren't vulnerable, man, that's going to make you feel worse.

Stephanie Olson: 26:57

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And, you know, I think that's the importance of telling a story and telling the true story. Yes, yes. And, you know, it's so interesting, because I speak a lot to women. But, but so often, I'm speaking about the very thing I'm going through at the moment, so it's never the Hey, I've arrived, and this is who I am. It's always the going through this right with you. And and I think that is so important, because people need to feel they're not alone.

Christine Handy: 27:35

But I applaud you for that. Oh, thank you. That takes a lot of bravery and courage. Vulnerability is not easy for any of us. Yeah.

Stephanie Olson: 27:43

Yeah, right. You're right. So I just I'm, I'm, I love hearing what what you're doing I love hearing. I mean, what you have is incredible courage, incredible bravery. And I love the transparency. And now are you in New York? No, I'm in Miami. I read in Miami got it. Okay. My daughter lives in New York. So maybe I can get her to go see you at some point when you're. I'm in New York a lot. Are you okay? Yeah, she she trains with Alvin Ailey Dance Company. So I mean, she is my hero. So I'm just looking here. I don't want you to think I'm checking my texts. I'm just looking at your because there is so much Oh, man, her story. I mean, it is. It is so so amazing. So what what advice would you give somebody who has been diagnosed with cancer and and you definitely went through it at that very alone and different time and things are improving, but they're not better as far as you know, not 100% As far as the pandemic, what what advice would you give people

Christine Handy: 29:05

I would figure out who your idols are. And what I mean by that is, prior to my diagnosis, I had a lot of false idols, I idolized materialism, and I idolize other people's opinions of me. I idolized outside accolades, I idolized celebrities, I sought to emulate being somebody that was different than me, because I thought would love me for that. And so once you're faced with that, kind of, like life and death, right, somebody gave me my percentile chance of survival at 41 years old. Wow. That's insane. I 11 year old and a 13 year old, right. I'm like, wow, what? And so I had to figure out like, what was I standing on? Yeah. Are they standing on the Prada bag that I was that going to come from me at night? Yeah. Was that Versace dress that I had to have got a call from me. Heck no. What was it? What was the what was the missing piece? And for me that was faith. Yeah. And I and it was like, I knew I had faith. I always had faith. I grew up Catholic, I knew that God existed and I but I didn't tap into that. I didn't rely on that I relied on society. What kind of way doesn't work? No, it really does not, yes, empty, it's depleting. It's it's not at all self serving, because I care about you. Doesn't care and your self esteem gets whacked every day. Yeah. And so once I was like, I did this wrong. I'm going to redo this. And I started to pound into my faith. I started to preach it. I started practice it, I started to learn about it. I listened to podcasts about it. And I had a lot of space of time where I was sick. So for 15 months, I was going through chemotherapy, 15 months.

Stephanie Olson: 30:56

Wow, that's a long time. That's

Christine Handy: 30:59

single week. And when I was on that bathroom floor throwing up, I was listening to a podcast on how to learn a better way because I was lonely and I was wrecked. Wow. But I did the work and what else i The other thing that I did was I built my self esteem backup. Yeah. Because I started to trust myself. And I started to look you know, I bought I was a bald, I had no no facial hair. I I looked like a little old lady. Yeah. If you if you Google Christine handy, and you look at pictures of me back then you you won't believe it. Wow. And and I look in the mirror and go, Wow, these people are showing up for me. They didn't care that we do. We're pretty they cared about our. And once a year out that people will stay even in your worst time, then you start to believe in yourself and go well, they're gonna stand for me. And for me, wow. And I just went through this major time of introspection, but it's intentional. Yeah. Like I could have had a news on all day long, right, right back into that materialism and gone back into that, you know, kind of bowing down to the celebrities, and how can we be more like that? Yeah. Like, no, that didn't work for me. And now I could be facing death. I don't want to live the rest of my life, however amount of time like that. Wow. And so in turn, I was showing bravery. I was showing courage to the people around me, including my son's because I made that shift, right. Yeah. Yeah. And I and my intention was when I was healthy enough, I was going to show the world what I did wrong. And that's super vulnerable. Because it's yeah, it's absolutely, absolutely. It's not flattering. Yeah. But if by sharing my story, and I showed the way I did it wrong. And the way I'm doing it, right. Maybe that will teach people and maybe that will save them from going through a fused arm. Yeah.

Stephanie Olson: 32:58

Oh, my gosh, I absolutely love that. And it is it. It's there's not very often I'm at a loss for words. So well done.

Christine Handy: 33:13

I've been on many interviews where I got interviewed 63 times last year. And I don't say that from a pride perspective. Oh, I can really tell a story. Because yeah, and I think that I'm here for that. Because I was in front of it. I was started modeling when I was a child. And I modeled I was in front of a camera for 40 years. And I truly believe that was preparation for me to help and serve other people. Yeah. So it's no, it's no accident, that I'm able to do this because God knew I needed to do this.

Stephanie Olson: 33:44

Well. And I think that is the bottom line when when we live for ourselves and just ourselves it it doesn't work doesn't work. So if we can actually surrender those things to God and say, okay, you know what, I? I am not the one so I'm gonna let you take over. It's amazing what he does. Yes, we're facilitators. Yes.

Christine Handy: 34:14

For my name, it's like, you know, people are like, oh, you know, you've been so successful is like, this is not what this is about. Like, listen, those are the accolades are sweet, right, like article in Fashion Week. That's a sweet thing. Absolutely. But the loves of my life are my children. And if they're hurting, none of this matters.

Stephanie Olson: 34:35

That's right. That's right. And it puts it all in perspective for us. And I think that's the key thing. You know, I think we're we're in because of social media and part I think social media is a great thing and a curse all at the same time. And I think because of social media, we tend to compare our very worst To others best. And that's a really hard place to be. And so when we can look at it and say, okay, you know what, this is not reality. This is reality. It's it just changes everything. And we don't grow through the amazing times. We grow through adversity hard

Christine Handy: 35:21

times. Yeah, the failures. Listen, I failed more than most. And it's taught me to be who I am. But judgment and comparison are self esteem destroyers. Yes, for sure. If you know that, you will stop comparing your life to other people. You know what I mean? Because you'll know that it's going to destroy your self esteem. Right.

Stephanie Olson: 35:43

Right. Right. And, and I and I do think it's hard to do, I think those are the times. And you know, like I said, we teach you about social media safety and those kinds of things. And as an adult, there are times I just have to unplug, because it is okay, so I can see this is not a healthy reaction from me. And so I'm just gonna have to unplug and and, and that's when you spend time with your faith and turn it over. And okay, let me get to the real source of what I need to keep going.

Christine Handy: 36:19

Exactly. So if you're newly diagnosed, if you're going through trauma, figure out what your idol is. That's what whatever it is, that's what you're going to be standing on. And the idols that I had. That was quicksand. Yeah. And I suck,

Stephanie Olson: 36:34

and be willing to find new idols. Yeah, those aren't working for you.

Christine Handy: 36:39

Yeah. And also be willing to find yourself. Yeah.

Stephanie Olson: 36:42

Wow. So what, what would you say today is the biggest message that you have learned out of all of that, whether we're talking to trauma early on before breast cancer, or what you went through with the medical community, and breast cancer itself? What is it that you would say is your I would say top three messages?

Christine Handy: 37:12

Well, I guess the most important message is let go and let God for me. That's my that's my go to that. Like I said, yesterday was a very difficult day. And I worried a lot that worry doesn't add a second to your life. No. And so I had to constantly remind myself, let go and let God but it's not easy. And I'm not saying that these are easy fixes, right takes time and practice. And you're still trip yourself up. But keep going back to that. The second thing is, I think you have to root yourself in a very solid self esteem to get through this life. Yeah. And there will always be arrows, whether it's health, arrows, family, arrows, friends, arrows, business arrows, it doesn't matter, you're going to be attacked on many levels through your life, build your self esteem. Imagine a world where we say to our youth, especially the women, teach them how to how to change their self esteem, self talk, self love. And and that would change the generations of people. Yeah, because we wouldn't be like subservient to men, doctors to authority that's not teaching us what's right. Right. Right. And we, we, you and I have a responsibility to do that. Right. And so that's a big message of mine. And, and the other thing is that the third thing that I have learned in my life was, nobody's going to do it for you. Yeah. It's not their job. Right. You know, when I when I go through trauma, or when I used to go through trauma, I'd be like, where's my husband? Where's my family? And it's like, I have to show up for myself. At the end of the day, I gotta be, I gotta be good with me. And again, it goes back to the self esteem, but it also goes to the faith. Yes. Where's your measure? Right, your measure with that article in Fashion Week? Or is your measure with God? Wow. Is your measure in society? Or is it in family and where is your measure? I'm not measuring myself against other people in social media and myself against my faith. Yeah, that's it.

Stephanie Olson: 39:19

That's so how do you how do you tell somebody who has been told their whole life you have no value? You are not worthy. You You are ugly. You are this? How do you tell somebody to find that self esteem to to do something different than they have had all of their life?

Christine Handy: 39:48

I'm not an expert. I'm only I can only say this from my own trials. I never felt worthy. I never felt valued. I felt like I felt worthless. Right. And part of it was self talk. And I'm not blaming myself. But when we get tapes, whether it's from other people, or from ourselves or from both, right, we have to take those thoughts captive every day. Yeah. What I mean by that is, if I say to myself today, that was a shitty interview, you suck. You didn't you did a terrible job. You're not going to influence anybody. You're not going to help anybody. You're not going to leave. You need to do better. Yeah. I've just slaughtered myself. Yep. If I say to myself, You know what you showed up? Yeah. garlis of how it turned out, you showed up for yourself. And for other people. That's different self talk, right? Yeah. Yeah. I used to say the other. Right. But I took those thoughts captive. And I said to myself, you can't say those things about yourself anymore. And until you stop, you're always going to believe those thoughts? Absolutely. And the other thing I would tell them is, it's not an overnight fix. It's going to take a long time. And you got to get rid of the people that are saying those things to you. Yeah. Gently, kindly with grace, get them out of your life.

Stephanie Olson: 41:11

Right. Right. And, and I would add, and this, I probably shouldn't even add this because this is an entire conversation in and of itself. But allowing yourself to forgive those people and those things. Because a lot of times we think, Well, I'm not going to give forgiveness to that person who doesn't deserve it. But forgiveness is all for us. It's it's not about the other person. It's releasing us from holding on to that bitterness and that pain. And that, that anger.

Christine Handy: 41:48

Yeah, you know, it took me a long time to forgive that doctor that left. Yeah. And I have not had a single day of peace and pain free in 10 years. Not a single day. I mean, the the pain used to wake me up at night. It's horrible. That is terrible. But I forgave him because it was a huge backpack heaviness of pain that I was giving myself. Yes. Listen, God's going to deal with him. Yep. Yeah, he's is not mine. Again, it's easy to say harder to do. Yeah. But if you remind yourself of that, if your self talk is, I'm going to get back at that person. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna make him pay. That's hurting you. That's not compassion. That's vengeance. That's malice. It's pride. Yeah. Instead, you want to be compassionate. The most important person that you need compassion for is yourself. Yes, absolutely. And if you have compassion for yourself, you have forgiveness in your heart.

Stephanie Olson: 42:44

I love that. That so great. This is so good. So any final things that you would want to say to anybody going through? This is going to be loaded, but anybody going through trauma through any sort of medical issues, whatever it may be? What's your, your final message?

Christine Handy: 43:12

I mean, I've been through a lot of trauma. I've had a lot of physical pain, a lot of emotional pain. And the way I speak to myself, on the darkest days has been the most critical. Yeah, because I do have this kind of fight or flight mentality, where if I, if I have a terrible thing happened to me or my children or something, then I just want to flee. I want to run away. Yeah. But you can't run away from yourself. You can't run away from your brain, right? No, once I say to myself, Okay, you have to stay put, you can't run. Then I started to talk to myself, Okay, like going like God, okay, self love, self talk, what can I do today to self soothe. And if you go right into that mode, it can be five minutes, it can be, you know, a 10 minute walk. And the other thing that I would say is, if you've, if you've been hit by trauma, which unfortunately, we all will write most interesting and helpful ways that I get through it is by serving others. And it helps other people, but it also helps yourself. Yes, it does. Yes, because it brings meaning to your pain, and we all want to find meaning in our pain. And if by sharing your story, help somebody else and share your story. There is always purpose and pain. And

Stephanie Olson: 44:31

that is so good. So how do people find you, Christine?

Christine Handy: 44:35

I'm out there. I'm on social medias. I'm Christine handy one on Instagram, but in general Christine handy. My website is Christine handy.com. There's, yeah, I'm out there and I'm accessible. Like I respond to messages. I love hearing from people.

Stephanie Olson: 44:50

That's great. So we'll make sure to put all of that in the podcast notes so that people can find you and get in touch with you and just walk through your journey with you, I think that is so fabulous.

Christine Handy: 45:04

When of course, my book is a good tool to walk beside me and talk about your book. Yeah, I'll give it a one second clip. It's a great book for people, because a couple reasons. One, it shows how showing up can save a life. Like when you show up for people, it can really change their life. And my friends, we're all in, like through trauma after trauma. And so I have a friend who, who gives my book all the time to people because she says it's the best way to be a friend is to learn about how to in this book, because she said, there's so many tools to see what Christine's friends did for her. And so those are good takeaways. But it's also, you know, like I said, it's very vulnerable. And it talks about very unflattering things about the life that I was the life who I was to now. And it's a fictional depiction of my life. So it's basically this podcast written out into a 400 page book.

Stephanie Olson: 45:54

That is fabulous. Thank you for that. Well, okay, final question. What does resilience mean to you?

Christine Handy: 46:04

Getting back up each day, even in darkness. Yeah. Because, and that's self love. Resilience is self love.

Stephanie Olson: 46:13

Not always easy, but so important. So important. Billions is hard. Yeah. Well, this has been great. Thank you so much, Christine, for sharing your story for just being so vulnerable and being real. It was fabulous. Thank you. My pleasure. Thank you for listening to resilience in life and leadership, and we'll see you next time. Thank you for listening. Please share with anyone you think will benefit from this podcast.