The Power To Speak Naked with Tyler Foley Resilience in Life and Leadership Episode 032

Stephanie talks to the amazing and fun Tyler Foley! Listen in as we learn the power to speak naked!

Sean Tyler Foley is an accomplished film and stage performer and has been acting in film and television since he was 6 years old after his father passed away suddenly in a motor vehicle accident. He has appeared in productions including Freddy Vs Jason, Door to Door, Carrie, and the musical Ragtime. Tyler is passionate about helping others confidently take the stage and impact an audience with their stories. He is currently the Managing Director of Total Buy In and author of the #1 best-selling book The Power to Speak Naked.

Tyler is a father, husband, son, and performer, in that order. Some days he feels like he has dabbled in every industry on the planet, from oil and gas, to aviation, to film and television, but that diverse experience is what has made him so versatile!

Regardless of the industry or the titles he has held, what they all had in common was promoting and encouraging people to be heard and understood. The skills and resources he has garnered along the way have enabled him to become an entertaining professional speaker and a knowledgeable trainer, who inspires others to reach for their dreams.

Today, Tyler works with executives and CEOs, helping them show up powerfully behind the mic to gain the exposure they need. Tyler is also a veteran podcast guest with over 300 appearances on episodes with topics ranging from leadership, safety, to overcoming adversity.

With his distinct and direct style, Tyler is emerging as one of North America's sought-after leaders in the field of public speaking for personal and professional development and would welcome the opportunity to be on your show and discuss the lessons he has learned and the grace he has discovered in each event of his life!

https://www.endlessstages.com/group-v

Everyone has resilience, but what does that mean and how to we use it in life and leadership? Join Stephanie Olson, expert in resiliency and trauma, every week as she talks to other experts living lives of resilience. Stephanie also shares her own stories of addictions, disordered eating, domestic and sexual violence, abandonment, and trauma; and shares the everyday struggles and joys of everyday life. As a wife, mom, and CEO she gives commentaries, and, sometimes a few rants, to shed light on what makes a person resilient. So, if you have experienced adversity in life in any way, and you want to learn how to better lead your family, your workplace, and, well, your life, this podcast is for you!

https://stephanieolson.com

INSPIRE your team to LEAD WITH SUCCESS and MOTIVATE others with Stephanie bringing 20+ years of speaking experience. If you need to EMPOWER, ENGAGE, and EDUCATE your people-Book Stephanie as your speaker today!

https://www.stephanieolson.com/ask-stephanie-to-speak

Everyone has resilience, but what does that mean, and how do we use it in life and leadership? Join Stephanie Olson, an expert in resiliency and trauma, every week as she talks to other experts living lives of resilience. Stephanie also shares her own stories of addictions, disordered eating, domestic and sexual violence, abandonment, and trauma, and shares the everyday struggles and joys of everyday life. As a wife, mom, and CEO she gives commentaries and, sometimes, a few rants to shed light on what makes a person resilient. So, if you have experienced adversity in life in any way and want to learn how to better lead your family, your workplace, and, well, your life, this podcast is for you!

https://stephanieolson.com
https://outlawstreamers.com/

Transcript

Stephanie Olson: 0:03

Welcome to resilience in life and leadership with your host Stephanie Olson, speaker, author addictions sexual violence and resilience expert. All right. I can't even tell you how excited I am to introduce this next guest who I seriously have not walked away with just wisdom before like, oh my gosh, yes, that is amazing. Yes. This is what I did. After this next guest Sean Tyler Foley is an accomplished film and stage performer and has been acting in film and television. Since he was six years old. He has appeared in productions including Freddy vs. Jason, which we talk about door to door, which we also talk about Carrie and the musical Ragtime. Tyler is passionate about helping others confidently take the stage and impact an audience with their stories. He is currently the managing director of total buy in and author of the number one best selling book The Power to speak naked. Welcome Tyler Foley. Well, hello, and welcome to By the way, I'm going to read your bio ahead of time off off camera. Well, hello, and welcome to resilience in life and leadership. I am so excited to have Tyler fully here on the show. Welcome Tyler.

Tyler Foley: 1:31

I Stephanie, I'm looking forward to this. I've had this circled for a while as you know,

Stephanie Olson: 1:35

I have to we're gonna have a lot of fun. And I hear Tyler is absolutely hilarious. So no pressure, no pressure, but, but humor is a good thing. So

Tyler Foley: 1:48

now at the very least, I'm funny in my own mind. Well, and that's

Stephanie Olson: 1:51

all that matters. Sometimes. Actually. I am too. So you are doing a lot of amazing things. But first, I want to hear how this all started. And whether that starts with I was born or whatever. But I want to hear how you got where you are today.

Tyler Foley: 2:11

Oh, they see just asking it like that makes me want to put on the movie from it. Like in a time of Dark Ages when hippies ruled the earth 1979 Tyler fully brought forth into the planet. You like that? Thank you. Yeah, I work on that. No, I was I literally when I was born, I'm sure I came out of the womb of performer. Like, you know, that's in my DNA. I was one of those kids who when family would come over for you know, family gatherings, events, Christmas Easter, stuff like that. I was always the one who wanted to like put on the show. Like, you know, you draped the blanket over the fireplace and it became the stage and dance. And I remember getting a magic kit when I was like three or four years old and just falling in love with magic and wanting to perform for everybody. That was just that was who I was. And you know, that probably was very obvious when I first started elementary school. And my first grade teacher Judy Nielsen, cast me in a couple of the school plays so like the Christmas pageant, I got to play Joseph and then at Easter, we did this like a Peter Rabbit play and I got to play Peter Rabbit. And I remember it because I was I had to be sick. And my mum fed me chamomile tea. Oh, story, and I couldn't print. Chamomile. So Mrs. Nelson worked with me for forever to say Kalama and now today because I I have a wicked caffeine intolerance. I have black tea or green tea. People don't realize green tea has caffeine. And if I have a coke Oh man. Don't even look at coffee. Don't. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, if I have any beverage that has caffeine in it, after about 10 o'clock in the morning, I will be wide awake, staring at the ceiling with my brain going 1000 miles a minute like a hamster on a wheel. until probably 3am

Stephanie Olson: 4:19

Oh my gosh. So I do me in. Yeah, I

Tyler Foley: 4:23

drink chamomile tea because it's it's fantastic. Every time I drink it, I think of Judy Nielsen and the first

Stephanie Olson: 4:30

grade. It was kind of ironic. Yeah, it was.

Tyler Foley: 4:34

And so I took to the stage and I had a real liking to it. And in the first grade, unfortunately, my father passed away in a single vehicle motor vehicle accident. And he you know that that was he wasn't even 35 I think when my father passed away, I think he was 33 years old at the time. tragic. I'm sorry, I was six, my mum was just coming up her 30th birthday, she would have just celebrated her 30th And my sister was two and a half. So, you know, my poor mum 30 years old, full life ahead of her and now a widow or widower with two children. And I, you know, I have nothing but admiration and respect for my mom for all she did, and continues to do for me and my sister. We lacked for nothing growing up, which couldn't have been easy because the plan was my dad went to school. And then once he was finished high school and got his education. They were going to work for a little bit, and then Mom was going to go back to school and she was literally going to go back to school like the next year, but Dad had pushed out their plans just to touch because he wanted he was an educator. He was a teacher in my town. But he had taken a one year sabbatical to start a restaurant, because he was very entrepreneurial, love to cook, my dad made the best French onion soup, and I know, and cream of asparagus, I'm uh, I'm one of those weird kids, like I grew up loving asparagus, because my father made this cream of asparagus soup that was just phenomenal. And to this day, you know, I'll go to like, some of the finest restaurants in the world, you know, five star Michelin in there. And I'll be like, Hey, can I try the French onion soup? And I'm like,

Stephanie Olson: 6:31

just not salty.

Tyler Foley: 6:34

My dad did better. Sorry, Wolfgang, but they're not up to snuff. And

Stephanie Olson: 6:42

harder, try harder.

Tyler Foley: 6:44

So when my dad passed away, I was six, right? So you really have a hard time processing the finality, of death and you there's a bit of an emotional disconnection, like you're a growing human being and your brain hasn't fully developed. Yeah. And it's hard to process a lot of this stuff. So I didn't really grieve my father's passing. And so I was encouraged to explore my emotions on stage. And I so many things kind of conspired and fell into place and I ended up acting professionally. My uncle worked for the city. And right across from the street from City Hall was the fine arts complex with newly constructed Fine Arts Complex. Right around the time that Calgary hosted the Olympics, there was a lot of infrastructure that got put into place and the Fine Arts Complex was one of them. And so he had had all of the great restaurants and my uncle was a perennial black bachelor, and to this day, does not cook for himself. If food doesn't get ordered, and come to him my uncle wouldn't eat. So he would go to the honestly skip the dishes. And it has has made my uncle's dietary options so much larger. He's hilarious loves it. But he would go to the restaurants to eat his food. And the casting director for one of the largest theatre companies in the city was complaining about how hard it was had I think her exact words that caught his attention. Were How hard is it to find a small boy to play Tiny Tim, like, you know, you just need literally a small boy. Yeah. And and he kind of, he was, you know, two tables over and did sorry to have E's dropped, but like, how small like, what are you looking for? And she's like, well, we need somebody who's you know, like 69 years old, but looks younger than that and is slight so that they can sit on Bob crotchets shoulder and she, you know, the she knew the breakdown of it, and he was like, Well, my nephew's six and he looks like a three year old. Does that work? I'm a tiny kid. So my dad was like, I'm a giant in my family at five, eight. My dad was 5554 My mom is five two. My sister is like, I think 5556 Wow. But wow. You know, so i i And I like my full grown I ate all my Wheaties had my spinach. Yeah, had asparagus. Yes. You know, slammed my proteins. And I've I've fully developed into my gigantic five foot 735 pound frame. So I got to play Tiny Tim. And and from that point on, you know, I was not just in love with but fully addicted to live theater. And that has created a 36 year career and hobby that has sustained me and that that kind of kicked off my I went to a Fine Arts High School, graduated from that had just went out to Vancouver made a real goal of being a professional actor out there very successful that too. And at 25, I'd been in the industry for 20 years. So I did what anybody with a 20 year career does. And I retired. Yes. Because

Stephanie Olson: 10:25

25

Tyler Foley: 10:26

Well, it's 2020 years into your career, you do 25 It's just a bonus. Yeah. And I went back to school, got an engineering discipline started my own company, doing geomatics, which is a fancy word for Earth study. And I specialized in aerial photography and photogrammetry. So if anybody who is ever cool, yeah, anybody who's ever turned on satellite view on Google Map, absolutely. That pictures of the ground, that's what I did, I stitched together pictures in the ground so that you can turn on Google Maps and know where your house was, and ask whose car is parked out front. That's, that's what I did. And unfortunately, that business collapsed. For a couple of reasons I am, I at the time was not a very good business mind. I didn't know what I didn't know. And I didn't know a lot. I had a great mentor who was a brilliant business mind. And really, really good. photogrammetrists she was, she was phenomenal. Unfortunately, she passed away very suddenly, and the business collapsed. So then I was then I was out to the wind again. But a good friend of mine, who is a much smarter businessman and mentored me, and business with quite well actually, was, had a company and they were expanding rapidly, they'd gone from, you know, just a small family operation for five employees to 20 employees and to 50 employees and 100 employees. And at that point, you needed a full time safety manager. And when you're in geomatics, typically your primary client is the government. And when you work for the government, they always require that you have a safety system in place, or the when I started my company, I needed to get all of the safety training. And Matt knew that. So when he needed a safety manager, he was like, listen, you've got all of the safety training. If you take these three courses, and I'll pay for them. You can upgrade your qualifications to a National Construction Safety Officer designation. And, and I need you to have that for you to come work for me, would you be interested in coming to work for me? And I was like, huh, tell me more. And he had just gotten this huge project. Helping wire multi multimillion dollar, like eight figure nine figure construction build up north do an oil and gas stuff. And so I was intrigued because it wasn't something that I've ever done. I am obviously not built for labour. So the likelihood that I was going to be in oil and gas in any capacity other than some form of management role was slim to none. And I didn't study that kind of stuff. So to have the opportunity to go up and do that and make some really good money really fast. was intriguing. So I did that. And while I was up there, the guys really didn't respect me at first, because a lot of labor, I'm not an electrician,

Stephanie Olson: 13:29

definitely go in here. What are you doing here? Yeah. And

Tyler Foley: 13:32

why are you telling me and yeah, thanks, safety guy. Yeah, shoot through five of you already. You are definitely not going to last. But I'm, I'm if nothing, I'm two things stubborn and creative. And I refuse to let those guys push me around, metaphorically or physically. Yeah. And I was hell bent on finding solutions. And one day, a couple of executives were touring the building on a quarterly thing. And so they were big wigs for, you know, multibillion dollar corporations. And so I, as a safety manager, want to make sure that I would, at least with my guys, I didn't control the entire site, but I can, I could, you know, oversee my guys. And they were not working safely. They were working at heights not tied off. Because it was multinational company. We were following OSHA rules and not our OHS rules, and OSHA rules were most more stringent. So they need to be tied off at six feet. And they were well above six feet and they didn't have anything close to any kind of fall arrest on and they were like leaning over ladders. And so I yelled at them. And in my rant I said you know they're like you because they were pushing back. You've never even been you don't even know you don't know it's actually more unsafe for you to do that. Like, if I was to do all the things that you want me to do production would never happen and blah, blah, blah, blah. And they were telling me how it was more unsafe for me for them to do the work the way that I wanted them to do it. And I said Let me tell you a little something. When I was 19 in Vancouver, I was a stunt man jumping out of six storey windows and jumping out of a six storey No, was safer than what you're doing right now. Wow. Well, the executives were standing behind me when they heard me yelling. And I didn't realize that. And the one guy pulled me aside. And he said, is that true? I said, is what true? He's like, Were you really a stunt man? I was like, Oh, well, I was an actor who did stunts Yes, less to work around some really good stuff, professionals. And yes, I had done a couple of High Falls. And he said, Do you really think that was safer than what these guys are doing? I said, Oh, hands down. And I went into a little bit of an explanation of all the things that went into one stunt that is three seconds long on film, and yet is three months in planning. Wow. And all of the rehearsal and training and, and equipment that goes into making that one happen, and nobody even knows you did it. Yeah. And, and he's like, Would you mind given that as part of the toolbox talk tomorrow morning, and a toolbox talk is just the morning safety meeting? I said, Sure. And so I did it. And all of these executives are still on site doing their quarterly inspection thing. So there was probably four or five really, really big companies represented, represented there. And they heard me give this talk. And another one came in who's like, that's fascinating. Would you come and give that as a keynote presentation at our next safety stand down? Wow. It's like, Sure, what's a keynote? No, right. Or you explained it to me. And I was like, Sure. And then he was like, okay, my, my EA will be in touch with you. And he goes, how much would you charge for it? And I didn't know I didn't know what, what it was. And I so I was totally joking. totally joking. I threw out my monthly salary. I was like, oh, maybe this much. He's like, Okay, well, I have the paperwork drafted up and he walked away. Didn't even walk at it. Oh, I was making oil and gas money. I gave him a month. So he said, Yes. And all of a sudden, I went, why the hell am I spelling, spending three weeks away from my newly married wife to be up in the middle of nowhere freezing cold with guys who don't respect?

Stephanie Olson: 17:23

Salary? talking, like, for an hour? Probably right? Or 45 minutes? Yeah.

Tyler Foley: 17:31

And that's what the q&a. So I, I rapidly realized that that was a career that I wanted to pursue. That's awesome. And for the last, probably seven years, that's all I've done. And in addition to that, I've I've created a wonderful safety consulting company where we train executives on giving better presentations. It started with safety presentation. Yeah. How do you just make toolbox talks more interesting. But I realized there was a larger audience that just needed to learn how to present better. And so between my keynote speaking, and the consulting and coaching, I, I'm living, probably the best life I ever could. And I still get to embrace the performer inside of me, right? But but now I have the freedom of saying my own words instead of somebody else's. And I love every minute of it.

Stephanie Olson: 18:25

That is fantastic. Okay, so you and I have a lot in common, because I love asparagus, but also when I was a little girl, so I'm older than you by probably 10 years. That's right. Yeah. And Greece was the big movie, when I was like, six years old. And so we would put on Greece, the entire musical for my parents who are probably cringing because we had no idea what we were saying. And half of those songs.

Tyler Foley: 19:03

Summer Nights was just

Stephanie Olson: 19:04

Yeah. But but we did it well. And and so I love that. And today, I'm a speaker, and a and then I do acting on the side never did any stunts, not a stunt. Nope, can't do that. But I love that because you have now an opportunity to really help other speakers and really get them into their own. Tell me about that. Because the book. I love the title of your book, The Power to speak naked.

Tyler Foley: 19:44

Yeah,

Unknown: 19:45

that's fabulous.

Tyler Foley: 19:46

I love it too. It just complete aside just because you're a fan of Greece and I'm a fan of Greece and I absolutely love Greece. One of the films that I got to work on in Vancouver was a movie called Jack and it started at the late great Anton Yelchin when he was still young, and because he was not yet 16 And the in the movie yet to drive the character had to drive and his mum was played by Stockard Channing Oh. So and so for I was Anton stand in and photo double for the whole show. And so I all of these driving scenes, I got to drive the vehicle, an old Volvo station wagon, and I got to dry it literally got to show first Docker chatting around Vancouver super,

Stephanie Olson: 20:50

super jealous. Oh my gosh,

Tyler Foley: 20:52

that is one of my, my. And it's funny because it's not something that I was performing in. Right? It was just one of those jobs in between acting gigs as you and I both know, that you just kind of do. Yeah. And and I loved doing the standard work like that was just fun, because you got to work with the camera crew, and you got to work with the ad and the director of photography and and that was just that that side of the business always fascinated me. And those guys work so hard. And so to get to not only be doing that, and the other thing is to it's it's a better paycheck, right? Because you're on the for most actors, we've specially for me, I'm a day player. So I'm going to show up for a day, right? Make 1000 bucks tops, and then go away where when you're a stand in. Yeah, you're making a little bit lower wage, but you're probably pulling two to $300 a day. That's awesome. Over six, seven weeks, like it was a it was a great way to go. So I got to work fast. So cool, awkward chatting, and yeah,

Stephanie Olson: 21:53

just a community theater Gala. I've never. Yeah, that's awesome.

Tyler Foley: 21:59

Community Theater is some of the best layouts. That's important. That's a black that's bringing arts to the people who truly truly want it and need it. So I just finished a community production of music man. And in a small town about an hour south of me. The good friend of mine was the director of IT and the guy that was playing Mayor Shinn dropped out of play. Oh, four weeks before they went up in this community theater. So they only rehearse once a week. Yeah. Which meant they only had three rehearsals.

Stephanie Olson: 22:32

Oh my God.

Tyler Foley: 22:35

Because it was over Christmas, too. So. So she pulled me in a panic. And she's like how fast you think you can memorize shin? That's not too bad. Don't make me Mr. Harold Hill, and I'll be good. So I did that I love that's fun. Let's start answering your digress my digression. So as far as the book goes, the power to speak naked has been a joy for me. And yeah, what do you want to know about it? Answer all questions.

Stephanie Olson: 23:09

Well, so I love the idea because I think that I mean, speaking is supposedly the number two fear after death. Is that right?

Tyler Foley: 23:21

No, no, it's ahead of death. It is the number two fear of death death is number three. Number one is actually fear of heights.

Stephanie Olson: 23:29

Oh my gosh, which I are fight slash fear of falling. I do have a fear of heights. But yeah, so I mean, I think about all of these people and today, times have changed so much that we're almost constantly in presentation mode. I mean, as as a society and in work and so getting people to overcome some of those those things. And we always say, you know, picture the audience naked? No, but yeah,

Tyler Foley: 24:05

yeah. worst advice ever. Yeah. worst advice ever. Eight actually. So I'm about to go on a rant got so before I go on the rant, let's prep this rant. Because when I was trying to brainstorm the title for the book, we I was stuck with with a title that all the time originally so how the book came to be. I had been doing the keynote presentations for a few years and had a whole training seminar around public speaking. And the title of it I can't even remember what the what we used to call the program. It was something like leadership presentations or something like that like something generic very creative. Yes. So boring. And and that was going to be that was the working title of the book. And it just, it just sucked. And I had been asked to present at a conference. And it was for a company that that promoted using self published books to promote businesses and, and they asked me to come up and do a bit of a presentation on, you know, how you can use the book to find speaking engagements and how to be more effective when you're presenting. And so I was I was sitting around at the end of the conference, and it was like a Saturday night. And I, my publisher, I needed to have the title into the publisher, by Monday, because they needed to start working on the cover art. And without a title, you can't come up with cover art, and we needed to find the direction for it and all the rest. And so I was asking, you know, it was a book on advice. And we basically taken my seminar and transcribed it, and taken what is two and a half days. So you know, we're talking 14 and 14 hours, 28 hours, and then another six hours, like, over 30 hours of information and compress it into 10 chapters, which according to my publisher has a read time of 114 minutes. So you know, we've we've taken over 30 hours of information and compressed it into two hours to give advice and make it a little bit of an easy read. And so I was asking them, you know, what, what is some advice that you've gotten? Like, what like maybe we just make one of the like snippets or soundbite from the book the title like and so we're just trying to brainstorm and my ghostwriter was there with me. And editor and she had said exactly that. Picture your audience naked. And I went, Oh, my God. That is the the worst advice that you could ever give somebody? Because I don't know where it started. I don't even think it's really a thing. I don't think it works. If you what, what's weird. It's just weird, Janie, you're you're gaining comfort from somebody else's discomfort? Are you picturing somebody else in discomfort to try and gain power either way, that's masochistic. Really, you should be in service to your audience, you need to hold them in regard and revere them not to diminish them or belittle them. And so why, why, why why, like, it's just the worst advice ever. And I finished the wrap by saying, I would rather give somebody the power to speak naked on stage than to be picturing their audience naked. And as soon as I said, and everybody went, Bull. Oh, now that's the title. And as we started to unpack it, the more and more I fell in love with it, yeah. Because on its surface, I mean that, like, I want somebody to be so competent in their messaging. So absolutely mesmerized me with their delivery, that they didn't care what they were wearing, that they could, you know, be putting on a production of hair and wearing the emperor's new clothes. Yeah. And be completely totally comfortable and not care. Yeah, that's true self mastery of your own body. That is true competence. So I genuinely on the surface, want somebody to have the power to speak naked. I also want them to have the ability to be so engaging to their audience, and be so compelling with their craft and with their story that they're telling that even if they were naked, the audience wouldn't even notice. Yeah. Because they wouldn't be paying attention to what they were wearing. Because it would be irrelevant. Yeah. Because what they were saying was what was really important. And then a sub level to that is because I feel that you shouldn't be engaging on your own. I want you to be able to give a run naked presentation, not necessarily from a clothing perspective, but you don't need the PowerPoint. In fact, please don't use a PowerPoint. You don't need audio. You don't need AV you don't need lights, you don't need props, you don't need handouts, you should be able to give somebody information, one on one. We have been communicating as a species for millennia. Yes, orally. And I think a lot of people forget that our current level of literacy, and especially our current level of information availability. Is is very new. Yeah, you only have to go back 150 200 years and you don't have this level of literacy. Right, where people couldn't read, but everybody could speak. You know, you can, you can hear you can understand, and this is how we've communicated. And I promise you, you know, Plato's and Socrates did not have a PowerPoint.

Stephanie Olson: 29:57

They used keynote, right?

Tyler Foley: 29:59

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, they were using Keynote they were there obviously, their Apple products because the Greek. Exactly. Yes. You know, and that always been my, my big push against AV that and most people use it wrong because PowerPoint becomes an agent prompt to the text.

Stephanie Olson: 30:22

Okay, I am so in love with what you're saying right now. And, and super inspired actually because I think that one of the worst things that people can do and I'm not going to call out any any thing, but you know, they go to these meetings to learn how to present. And it's well no, you need to walk to the side three times and you need to say this and don't do this. Just be authentic. Just be yourself. And that's what it is all about.

Tyler Foley: 31:00

Yeah, and here's the thing, I I love the sentiment, I hate the word. Authenticity is probably the most overused and misunderstood word right now. And but you're right, it's to be yourself. So for me, authenticity is synonymous with self awareness. Okay, a lot of people think that their authentic self, like I grew up in rural Alberta. I'm basically Texas north. Okay. And I grew up around a lot of ranch hands. Yep. And a lot of farmers and a lot of truckers. So, you know, we're just truckers are just inland sailors. Yeah. And they swear like that. Yeah. So I have a very colorful vocabulary. Yes. When I'm not paying attention. Be just because I swear often does not mean that when I'm not swearing, I'm not being authentic. And a lot of people are saying that this word authenticity means that they just get to break out whatever behaviors, make them feel comfortable. In my own house. I am a nudist, I am not a fan of clothing, I like to walk around naked. That is my authentic self. So my authentic self is going to walk around naked and swear a lot. But that is that doesn't mean that I get to do that on stage or claim that I'm being inauthentic or that my authentic self needs to do this. So you just need to put up with me being naked and swearing? No, I can still this is an authentic genuine conversation. Yeah, I am just you know, adhering to some social norms and being polite.

Stephanie Olson: 32:45

Yeah. Although I suppose if you were naked right now, I wouldn't know. If you were, you know, have you

Tyler Foley: 32:51

bottomed down, you're never going to

Stephanie Olson: 32:53

exactly know. What,

Tyler Foley: 32:59

what? Yeah, and I have the decency for your visual audience is going to see this to, you know, at least put something on the top and present myself well. But the simple fact of the matter is, is that I am very aware of who I am. I had there is no mistake. And when I come for who you get right now, this conversation that you are having virtually, if I was to come and hang out with you in your home, Stephanie and a very lovely home, you have, thank you, you're gonna get the same person. Right? There is no difference. From here to there. My wife would argue slightly, because when I'm on stage, and I'm introduced as Sean Tyler Foley, the author of the power to speak make it, which is my professional stage name and is actually technically my legal name. I am a Sean Tyler fully is it's an a little bit amplified version of me. Sure. Sure. It's still an authentic version. It's the same way that this is an authentic version of me, even though I'm not naked or swearing, right. John Tyler fully is the kind of the best of Tyler, you know, a little bit larger, a little bit more because I'm on stage. Right, right. A little bit more louder. Yeah, get a little bit more animated. But he's still me. My wife will say that. She knows when Sean Tyler shows up my voice. And I don't I don't disagree. But it's still still an authentic version of me. Right? Because I am very aware of who I am. I know what my messaging is to my core, and I'm unapologetic about the things that I say. But I'm still conscious of the fact that what I'm saying and how I'm saying it needs to be of service to the audience. The audience isn't there to catch me. I am there to cater to my audience. And therefore if I have to censor my language and my clothing, or lack thereof, Well, guess what, that's what I have to do, I can still do it and still be authentic to me, because if I'm gonna put on clothes, I'm gonna put on some fine clothes. I'm gonna wear even though the rest of the industry is turning away from it, and all of the big names have gone to, you know, a button up shirt, but no tie, probably jeans. Most the really, the big guy of the industry is currently wearing his own branded golf shirts and jeans. And that's fine. That works. Yeah, man is a huge powerhouse and sweats through them like it's going out of style. So it allows him to change in and out of his clothes backstage, three or four times over the course of the day when he's presenting. And, but for me, I love to get dressed up. Yeah, you know, I remember the first time I got to go to a gala when I was like 14 years old and got to wear a tuxedo. And that I was in love with that from then on. And that's all I wanted to do was go to galleries wear tuxedos drink champagne and eat chocolate dipped strawberries. That's fabulous. So why not? Yeah, that right? And so if I'm going to go out on see if I got to put clothes on I'm gonna put on nice clothes. I'm gonna put on a tailored suit. Because again, we Guy Yeah, tiny tiny tiny off the rack doesn't work for me. It's not because I'm snotty is because I dumped. So give me my tailored clothes. It's gonna cost me that anyways to write it might as well. I might as well because if I buy off the rack, I'm gonna have to pay a tailor another two to $300 to make it fit me anyway. So I might as well just get the cloth and the material and the print that I like. That's right. That's what I did. So this Yeah, this authenticity is synonymous with self awareness. And I can't stress it enough. You need to know who you are at your core to be able to then present yourself and be effective to your audience. Remember, you're there for your audience. The audience isn't there for you.

Stephanie Olson: 36:55

That is hands down. The best thing I've heard all month. I'm not kidding you that. I love how you put that because that I heard somebody say the other day, I was told not to change. I'm perfect just the way I am. And I and I Well, first of all, yeah, right there. But what you're saying is, is so right on because we're the same person. Well, we should be the same person here. They're in everywhere. But we have to present ourselves differently in different places we go because so this afternoon, I'm speaking to a group of seventh graders. So I'm going to speak to them very differently than I would speak to a group of women, for example. I mean, yeah.

Tyler Foley: 37:49

I, in the next three months, I'm going to be speaking at my daughter's Elementary School. She is in first grade. I'm going to be officiating a wedding at a swingers resort in Cancun.

Stephanie Olson: 38:06

Wow. Okay, would it be okay, I added that for a second. Yeah,

Tyler Foley: 38:11

process for a second. I'm going to be speaking at a safety conference as their keynote presenter to close the event. And I will be doing my own two and a half day workshop seminar in Las Vegas. Wow. Wow. I am going to still be me. Yeah, Pilar, full Lee, at all of those events. And I am going to be genuine and authentic at all of those events I love but the way I show up will be drastically different at all four because I am a service to my audience. Yeah, the language that I use, the clothing that I wear will be different at all of those events. Wow. Because I need to be of service to my audience. And I need to be aware of that. And yes, you can ask about this.

Stephanie Olson: 39:01

Yeah, I don't even know what that means. I mean, I know what swingers are. I know what a wedding is. I'm yeah,

Tyler Foley: 39:12

some good friends of mine are have a very open relationship and have had an alternate view on monogamy for their the existence of their relationship and they have decided that they do want to officially be wed together. But it's funny because they're they're very, very, very non traditional. And when they go to Mexico, they like to go to you know, an adults only lifestyle friendly resort and friendly and because the of the nature of the resort, they actually don't have like almost every resort in Cancun. If you said I want to do a wedding there Like, okay, we have our designated wedding coordinator, our flower girls, we have a pavilion Do you what colors do you want? We have ribbons. We could do you want backings on your chairs? What do you want? Go? This resort was like, no Senora we didn't. So, my friends were like, listen, we can't get an officiant, we think you'd be fantastic. If we, if we paid for your flight and hotel, would you come down and marry us? I'm like, Well, I can't marry you legally. They're like, Oh, don't worry about it. It's just for show. We just need some pictures. But we were gonna get married, you know, the week before. We're gonna have a justice of peace come to the house, small, small, small gathering with like, six of our family there, just so that they can witness the writing, right? And then we're gonna have all of our friends who know what the deal is. Come down. We're just gonna have a big party. But we need you know, we need the good pictures to look, right. Yeah. And they're like, you're funny. You could look in, you can talk. So you'll do dance puppet dance. I love That's hilarious. Yeah. So I'm literally they're going to be there for like, a week or 10 days. And it's a big party. I'm literally flying down the day before the wedding. Standing up doing the best Elvis and Elvis wedding inator wedding version without the rhinestones. Cuz it's literally like the bride wants to do you take B. All right. So who wants to say some vows? No vows. Okay, let's do this thing. Because they literally just want to see some animation from me so that they can get the pictures. It's just a photo off.

Stephanie Olson: 41:56

That is hilarious. Okay,

Tyler Foley: 41:59

yeah. So again, towards that particular speaking engagements, I will be changing up

Stephanie Olson: 42:06

my wording different than the first grade presentation. dressed.

Tyler Foley: 42:15

But to be honest, if I was between Mexico and my daughter's school, I think I'm most looking forward to my daughter's school.

Stephanie Olson: 42:23

Yeah, no, there's nothing. There's nothing like those those first graders. They're the best and you can't screw up?

Tyler Foley: 42:32

Well, no, you can't screw up. And here's the thing the school that my daughter goes to one of the reasons we chose it is it recognizes public speaking as one of the most important leadership skills that can be developed. And Maurice, this school is very future forward, thinking about prepping it students and it goes from K to 12. Love, oh, you're getting the full school. Very, very small classes, but they encourage public speaking. So they asked if I could amend one of my presentations and come and work with the first to third grades for an education. Oh, that's fabulous. Part of it every Friday, they have a I can't remember what they call it. But they bid the students basically get to pick an interest that that they like from what they've learned through the curriculum over the week. And they get an hour to focus on just that one thing. So if you really enjoyed exploring art, you get to go and you get to paint or do whatever medium you are, if you really enjoy doing the music, you get to go and sing or compose. If you really enjoyed the math, or you get to go and work on math, you really enjoyed the robotics because you know, all schools have robotics, they do. This one does. And if you enjoyed robotics get to work on the robot glide the public speaking and so a lot of the kids they have to present every quarter love that to the teachers had their impression of their education. So they basically grade the teachers, the teachers get a report card from the students on how they're doing and each student has to come up and present. You know a couple of how they felt about that. And then they present and then they present to the parents and the parents have to be involved too. So we get on a zoom call and then the they say what some of the challenges were being supported at home and what some of the triumphs were being supported at home and how we can help them with their education and what what what they're struggling with and what they need help with. It's just a fantastic thing. They have to do this public speaking, but the kids who really enjoyed it there, they now get to work with me for an hour on how to be better presenters. That is so fun. So I'm just I'm so looking forward to it like and kids the other thing is to their sponges. Yeah, my biggest problem Working with my adult clients, particularly because the majority of my clients are CEOs who are making, you know, up high six, usually seven figures, and they know everything. Right, right. So I have to break down years of habits, including the I'm afraid of public speaking, right? No, you're not, nobody's actually afraid of public speaking, if people were genuinely afraid of public speaking, commerce would collapse, you'd never be able to go to a restaurant, you wouldn't be able to order food. Right? Like you just couldn't do it. Because you have to speak in public to a stranger and ask for something that you want. And if you were able to do all those things, you're not afraid of speaking in public? Yeah. What you are afraid of is if the public is listening to you. And so you're actually afraid of public judgement. Yeah, that's what I, that's what I have to work on with all of these CEOs who feel they need to show up. Polished, right? Yes. And again, they're taking away from this authentic version of themselves, they're afraid. And so the the deepest subtext to my book, The Power to speak naked, what I want to empower people to do is to be able to speak the raw, naked truth. Because often the thing you're afraid to say, is what your audience needs to hear, right? Absolutely. And for these, particularly, when executives get to a certain point, there needs to be a fearlessness and a decisiveness in their direction. And even though inside they're like, I don't know what we're doing, or what I'm doing, they have to be composed. Yeah. And I've challenged more than one to be like, what happens if you say, I don't know. Yeah. What if you tell the people that you're leading that you're unsure this decision, but the this is your rationale for making it? Right. Why can't you share your thought process? Right? I can't you tell them. This is something that terrifies me. But I think the risk is worth it. Yeah, how much? You're going to have people buy into your message if you're honest, like that, as opposed to Nope, this is the way because if you are thinking, man, yeah, but wait a second, what about somebody else was able to figure that out, too. That's right. If you don't address the elephant in the room, if you don't call it out, you don't control the narrative. And part of the advantage of saying the thing that you're afraid to say is you get to be on top of it. You get to control the narrative, you get a story and rationale around it. So that even though people may be questioning it, they're getting your version.

Stephanie Olson: 47:33

Yeah. Yeah. I love. Okay. So, I want this conversation to go on for another five hours. So I am going to have to have you back on arts two through five. I'm looking Yes, I'm just I've had so much fun. And I, I truly have learned so much from your perspective and what you're talking about. And it's you, you are wise beyond your years.

Tyler Foley: 48:04

36 years on stage, I better know a thing or two about this particular thing. Don't ask me about quantum mechanics. Don't Mike, don't ask me about most things in life parenting, I'm still new to this. It's an experiment.

Stephanie Olson: 48:18

I'm not new to parenting still can't tell you anything. So that that you'll never you'll never get that. I'm just gonna say go on the record. But this I mean, what you're talking about is is so it's so simple. But I think it's so hard for people to do sometimes it's hard to comprehend. It's hard for them to do. Because it's just, it's being you.

Tyler Foley: 48:47

I love that. And a lot of times that is the hardest thing to do. Yeah, just be you. Yeah. And the great thing is, is when you are you, you know, you will, it's like a magnet, you're you're polarizing at that point. And the people who are positively attracted to you will come into your sphere. And the great thing is, is the people who aren't will walk away from it and completely, totally reject and that's okay. And that's okay. That's right, and that it's in fact, easier on you because then you're not trying to cater to somebody who really doesn't want to hear your message anyway. Anybody wants an unbelievable example of this, and I don't care what your political affiliation is. I'm not even going to say a name. For words, for words, and whoever's listening will have reaction to it. Everybody has a reaction to this. I don't know if it's a positive reaction or negative reaction, but you will react to these four words. Make America Great Again. I don't ever have to say who said it or why they said it. But you know, exactly who said it, you know exactly how polarizing it is, you know how rabid their following is? And how incredibly anti their anti valo is? Yes. But that is somebody who unapologetically is who they are. Yeah. And we'll say, really, literally, whatever comes to their mind, in the manner in which they choose to do it. That is somebody without a doubt, who is self aware. Now, some would argue, they're also very narcissistic and self centered, and delusional in some ways. But it's still being authentic there. There is no mistaking you're hiding who that person is. And that's somebody who is in touch with them. So I'm, you know, use your powers for good instead of evil.

Stephanie Olson: 50:52

Yes.

Tyler Foley: 50:54

But use your power. Use your powers know who you are, and be unapologetic about it. And you'd be amazed at how quickly you find your following. And that's, that's really the most important thing.

Stephanie Olson: 51:07

I am so inspired right now. I really am. I feel like I just had a lesson from you. So I'm, I am. I am thrilled that I have to two more questions. Okay. Two questions. I have to ask about Freddy vs. Jason.

Tyler Foley: 51:26

Of course you do. Everybody does. What would you like to know?

Stephanie Olson: 51:33

So tell me what you did. And how was it?

Tyler Foley: 51:36

It was fantastic. And I did a thing that you can barely see on film. So I played camp counselor. Okay, I can't remember if my if my counselor was numbered, because I know there was two of us. So I don't know if I'm credited as counselor or counselor number two or camp counselor, I'd have to check out my IMDB. But I what I did was in the final like 10 minutes of the show the lead. Eric are the lead actress and character needs to go into Jason's dream to combat Freddy who is, you know, because Freddy gets into people's dreams and tries to kill them. And they for some reason they need Jason to defeat Freddy or I can't remember what the how the final plot twist was. But Jason is dreaming in Crystal Lake. And the camp counselor, their kids are are teasing him and push him into the lake. And that's how Jason drowns and becomes Jason. And he's having a nightmare about this. And so the lead actress is trying to get the attention to the camp counselors. And so she goes up to the camp counselors and says aren't going to help? And the camp counselors are physically amorous together. So I am the the male camp counselor, and I turned to the lead actress and I say Can't you see I'm busy? And then she says, Well, aren't you coming? And then I turned around again, but this time I morphed into Freddy Krueger, and who knows. I'm trying to but this is dead on her feet. And then the the who was a normal human flesh, anime live. camp counselor has now become a corpse. And and then he like waves Freddy waves the hand like this. The lead actress, she runs away, and he laughs as Freddy Krueger laughs So yeah, I got to meet Robert England, and had a wonderful time on that set. It's a blip. You literally need to pause the recording to be able to see me in it, but it's it's super fun. And do that. Yeah,

Stephanie Olson: 53:52

yeah, that's just really cool. That's that's a cool credit. I like that.

Tyler Foley: 53:57

Yeah, I it's it's definitely the one that stands out, which is, by the way, a blessing and a curse because of all the things like even the fact that when you call up my IMDb it is the first thing that comes up. Then Jeremiah, which was a fantastic TV series to be on. Then see Jane Ron CJ Ron was a student film so how it's known for and how I get that is one of my main credits I'll never know. And then true calling same thing. I was a blip. I was a glorified extra in it. The only reason I got paid as an actor and credited as an actor, is because if you are a background performer, Yeah, but you're the only background performer with principal performers with lines and you're deemed integral to the scene. Yeah, you have to be paid as an actor under union rules. I was literally a chauffeur. Same thing with Stockard Channing. Right I was literally a chauffeur. But uh, wasn't a photo double because you had to they you had to see me i boyfriend who was dropping off the girlfriend who then got murdered by a serial killer and then true had to go and investigate it. And that true is played by Eliza Dushku, who is fantastic and truly underrated performer and she's incredible. But yeah, so it was just a blip. And Freddy vs. Jason. I just looked it up, by the way, male counselor, but good. So everybody, everybody sees that first. And the shame of it is that door to door is probably the best movie that I've ever written. So a made for TV, movie stars, Dame Helen Mirren and William H. Macy. And they're, they're phenomenal in it. Helen Mirren won a Golden Globe for it. Wow. When she won her golden globe, the scene that they aired to like, you know, when they show this is the work that you've done. Yeah. The scene that they played was the scene between me her and Bill. How cool is that? That is cool. And so door to door is phenomenal. And everybody's like, so if you heard Freddy vs. Jason, I'm like, yes. Yes,

Stephanie Olson: 56:11

I was. Okay. Let me let me backtrack just a second. So you went door to door? Yeah. Tell me about that. Helped me

Tyler Foley: 56:19

about door to door. It was plastic show stars. William H. Macy. Kyra Sedgwick? Oh, wow. Yeah, Kathy Baker was in it, too. She had a great, great little role in it just a heart wrenching roll. And there it was. It was just a phenomenal. And it's based on a real life story about Bill Porter, who was one of the top salesmen for the Watkins company and did door to door sales, despite the fact that he had cerebral palsy and was consistently one of their top salesmen. For decades. He was also one of the first people to pioneer online commerce, to save him from having to walk so that he could continue to sell Wow, door to door without having to actually physically do it, because it was becoming hard for him. So like that. Yes, I was in door to door. Thank you, Steph. Yes. I'm glad you brought it up.

Stephanie Olson: 57:09

Absolutely. No, I that is that is very, very cool. And, yeah, obviously, it's all the same thing with anything, anything that's all hyped is going to be hype, you know, but the stuff that that we do that sometimes really makes a difference is that's the important stuff. But it's all understated sometimes. So. Yeah, well, okay, final question. What does resilience mean to you?

Tyler Foley: 57:45

I think, for me, resilience is always finding a way to have forward momentum like that, because things will always push you back you are, there's always going to be adversity in life. In fact, life needs adversity, you have to have it. And I always think of that analogy of a bow and arrow, right you in order for an arrow to have momentum, it needs to be drawn back first. And the further back, you draw it, the more tension in the string, the the faster that arrow and the straighter that arrow will fly. So when you feel everything pushing against you, your job is to find the way to get the forward momentum because as soon as that momentum happens, it will release it will trigger forward. And recognizing that what you feel is pulling you back may actually be the direction you need to travel. Wow. So for me, I think of like a river course. Right? I'm Canadian. So most of the country was explored, discovered and founded based on using river courses to traverse this Nate. And it's vast, it's a vast nation. Yeah. And depending on where you were in the country, and which direction when people were first trying to explore this, the majority of our rivers flow west to east, but all of the explorers were coming from Europe. So they were coming from the east and traveling west, when they first navigated these waterways. They were pushing up current. And it was probably 10 times the effort to get up current to find resources, but where did the resources need to go they needed to go back to Europe. So as soon as they let the paddle go and let the Boat Float, all of a sudden they're headed back to where they needed to be. And sometimes when you feel this adversity when you feel things are set, it's keeping me from like dream. Well, maybe that's your dream, but maybe that's not the plan. And maybe you're fighting a current that doesn't need to be fought and and I have found some of my biggest successes have come when I have stopped fighting Oh, yeah. And I've let myself go. I've let gravity take hold. Yeah. And when I've done that, it's amazing how the compass resets. Because now you know where true north is. That's right, instead of trying to forge and readjust the compass and be like, No, I want to go to magnetic north. Right, right. And you, maybe you need true north. So you need to just stop, you need to stop and let yourself reset. If it's the river, you need to close your eyes, stop paddling and just seeing where this flow of energy is taking. Because it's there for a reason. And resilience is understanding that reason. And finding forward momentum, and your forward momentum may not be in the direction that you were initially traveling.

Stephanie Olson: 1:00:53

This that is good. I just I've had just all of these moments listening to you and I I just have loved it. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being a part of this show. I've just I've had a blast talking to you.

Tyler Foley: 1:01:13

Well, thank you for having me on Stephanie. I look forward to parts two through five.

Stephanie Olson: 1:01:18

You are on we are going to do that. And we're just going to keep talking because you are a rock star seriously. Thank you. Thank you, my friend. And thank you for listening to resilience in life and leadership and we'll see you next time. Thank you for listening. Please share with anyone you think will benefit from this podcast.